The Love of My Life..

sergio, the best person to come in my life. he broke up with me..he said he didnt want to hurt me in any way. i can't stand being without him because i made him my whole life. i love him with all my heart..but he told me he cheated on me. it hurts me, but i know he really does love me. . but i can't trust him. part of me wants to ignore him forever and kill him..but the other part wants to stay with him..help? i love him so much i want to kill myself rather than be without him..it's not stupid; if you think it is you dont understand my pain...

 

Hello brenda,

I would like to apologize for the delay in responding to this - i am here to help you as much as possible.

Just want to confirm is Sergio your boyfriend or your husband?

 

I know what you mean. It's hard and im really sorry youre feeling this way.
You need to look after yourself and your life, and that unfortunatly means saying goodbye to him as your love. He cheated, and that's a betrayal of your trust and love.
I know how it feels, ive been on the recieving end, and Ive done it myself too. It's destructive and destroys the future almost, atleast at first. But your future is still there, it'll just be different. No matter what, today and tomorrow are here, and there is hope and love out there for you. I know it's almost impossible to comprehend feeling the sameway for someone else, it almost feels like a betrayal to your love, but it's not. The betrayal happened when he cheated on you. It's going to take time... be kind to yourself, and dont let yourself hurt him if it's going to hurt yourself.

 

I know how you feel, I was in the same situation myself before. She cheated on me before, and then I decided to give her another chance after months of recovery. I thought she had changed, I thought she was different. In the end she left me for the same guy she was with before, she didn't change one bit.

I know you are in pain, I know it's hard to go on without him, but you must. You cannot let him hurt you anymore. We're here for you, I'm so sorry you feel like this.

 

He was my boyfriend. we were together for almost 2 years, and we did absolutely everything together..

 

Hello brenda,

Thank you for the response.

I understand that this will be something that will make you feel sad and helpless as you've been with him for quite some time. Right now as this is quite new your feelings will be intense.

I want you to take a couple of days/weeks rest from this - i don't want you to take any decisions currently, when you feel really stressed and your feelings are very intense you can take two deep breaths by breathing in, counting to 10 and then breath out from your nose.
Having said this i need you to also put a deadline where you will make your final decision on whether you will ignore what he said and go back to him or whether you will move on. There are many other persons, each unique from each other.

 

I don't know if I could give my heart to anyone else. Sergio was my first best friend and he means more to me than just a boyfriend. We really love eachother, but he's scared of hurting me because he says he can't trust himself. I know it hurts him cuz he was crying so much i couldnt believe it since he's a really tough guy..Maybe i need time to make a decision..thank you for the advice, i have hope now. and sorry for burdening you with my life..<3

 

Of course now you wouldn't be able to find another boyfriend, you need time here.

When did you meet with Sergio?

All people do cry, it doesn't really matter how strong people show externally.

Time will for sure help, your life is not a burden for me, i want to help you as much as i can.

 

Hello Brenda, I am deeply sorry for what you are going through. I dont for one minute believe that I feel the same as you. However, my wife of 24 years, the love of my life, walked out on me. I thought my world had ended. The only way that I am getting through this is by taking one moment at a time. I remind myself that this moment in time right now is all that matters. I cannot change what has been and I know the future is unwritten.
Please Hang in there.
There is hope.
Be in the moment
Be in this moment
The past is gone and cant be changed.
It is this moment that matters.

 

Oh, well the first time, when I was 5 years old, i saw him. i felt something special, and hoped i would see him again since I spotted him in a store. I met him at a party in October 2009, and i instantly fell in love. i told him i wasn't sure i would be with him, since i was waiting on the guy i saw when I was 5, and he said, wait you do look familiar, i thought i saw you in a thrift store. i asked when and he said when he was 5 almost 6. I couldn't believe it, it was like a miracle, a dream come true.

 

You two sound really special and I don't think you should just throw that away.

Personally, I would give him another chance. Everyone makes mistakes in life hun, and it takes so long to build a relationship like what you have, that it shouldn't be lost so easily.

Sit down and talk with him. Maybe set some new boundaries and just take things slowly again?

:hug: xx

 

Hello Brenda,

First my apologies for this delayed response, the country i live in is experiencing a crisis and we don't have continuous electricity for the time being.

So as i understand you know this person for quite a long time and of course he would mean a lot to you.

Have you thought about visiting a psychologist?

 

no it hasnt occurred to me...but what does it matter?
he has a new gf now anyways..i meant nothing to him..i wasted almost 2 years for him, been through hell for him....and for what?
for him to get another gf?
for him to just forget me?
for him to pretend we were never anything?????

huu....

 

I think the reason you feel so bad is a testament to how much you love him. It's obvious that you do still love him, but do you love him enough to take him back and forget about the hurt you felt when you found out he cheated on you? It's a big ask, but it's your decision to make - no one can tell you what the right thing to do is. His actions are not a reflection on the kind of person you are; the fact you care enough to hurt means you are a person capable of love, and able to hold a long term relationship - not a lot of people can do that. Unfortunately, when they end, we grieve just as we would at the loss of anything and there isn't anything you can do to change that. As hopeless as it might be, there IS light at the end of the tunnel, somewhere, and you'll find it. Taking your life eliminates the pain, but then you have no more life? No way of feeling happy again, no way of discovering new things and new people.

I can't pretend to know how you feel, but my soulmate left me in April. Now they have met their own 'soulmate' and made lots of new plans together. Unfortunately, I am still in love, and today was the first day in five years I had idealation again, out of nowhere. I had the urge, but a good few hours chatting to a good friend made me realise that my life is so precious, and I have to let go. Sometimes true love is not holding on, it's actually letting go. It hurts like hell and the pain can be so intense, you may wonder how you're going to survive. But we do, we must and we owe it to ourselves to become stronger and happier people.

 

That's the trouble sometimes - if a romance is isolated from all other areas of life - and it becomes your life.

Well as for cheating I'm a hanging judge on that issue. I'd walk away always - I mean even for a stolen kiss - which might be more emotionally involved than a one night stand.

Its your self respect at stake - compromise on that and its a dangerous thing to do.

Being single aint too bad! I got many married mates who envy my lifesyle.

But if someone cheats on you once - best to leave it at the once.

It hurts - but the longer you leave communicating with them - the sooner you forget them.

And when he cheated - well - who knows who with - and who they have lined up in their beds. Cheating - well - could be a way of catching something not so nice - so that's another risk they bought as well as the emotional hurt of being cheated on.

Infidelity - I think people ought to be real up on that - be ruthless in your own life as it will pay off in the end.

I know men who cheat - don't know any who done it the once either.

Plenty of woman also cheat - but easy to spot really - too many tell tale signs.

most people would be happy to have someone who they at least had that trust with.

Seems to me a lot of depression is based on relationships going wrong.

Regards.