I have an appointment to see a therapist/psychologist in April and if nothing improves, I'll be gone. I don't know what to say, I have so many problems. 2-3 years ago, I started getting into drugs and I think it's a huge contributor to my ''ruined life' I'm a school drop-out. I never sleep at night. I have anger and jealousy problems. I have low self-esteem. I hate my appearance. All my friends do drugs, and all they want to do is do drugs. I need to leave this country/life Since I gave drugs up, I've noticed how they've basically stopped texting me or caring about me. Nice 'friends'. I basically destroy everything I love. I haven't talked to my divorced father or his side of the family in months. I beat the shit out of him because he hurt my feelings, by telling me the truth: I'm pathetic, and a failure. 2 months ago I broke up with the most beautiful, amazing person I could ever ask for. We were together for nearly 26 months. She was the only good thing in my life. My anger, low self-esteem and jealousy destroyed us and I fucking hate myself. I broke up with her because I couldn't put her through it anymore. I was paranoid, hurtful. etc. I know I'll never get anybody like her. I have no confidence, no ambition to go near another girl. Ever. I think about her all the time, I'm sick of crying. I seen her yesterday for the first time in 2 months, she looked fucking amazing, as she always does. We walked past each other like we didn't know each other. It's so sad but I can't be friends with her I got physically sick a bit further up the road after. I'm a failure wasting my life away. If I rarely get more then 4+ hours of sleep, I just stay in bed. Feeling suicidal and crying. I'm never happy, ever.