I feel like I have finally hit rock bottom. I have never before felt this close to ending it. A few days ago I had a failed attempt at killing myself. It seems I cannot even do that correctly. My life is so confusing and stressful. After my girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago and after quitting drugs 2 weeks ago, I have started having anxiety attacks, which grow worse and worse each day. They are a scary experience and the only thing I can compare it to is Over dosing on speed. My last attack was so intense that I nearly ended my life half way through it. To stop the pain. I love my girlfriend, and she still loves me. But she is at a point in her life where she has to pick her career or her love. She believes that if fate deems us meant to be, then we will find eachother again. But I am afraid I won't be able to get through this. She is getting advice from her dad, who she trusts, as to what she should do. But I know what he will say, and what he will push. And it isn't me. My heart is breaking. I know people say this feeling will pass, and I also believe it will. Bur I don't want it too. I just want her back. There is a lot more as to why I feel so terrible. Way to much top type. I am seen as the funny guy, the comedian, the wise adviser. But this mask of humor is deteriorating, and I can't keep it on any more. So many people come to me for advice, on every subject thinkable, and they always leave me with a smile on their face, an answer, or a plan. I have been told I have helped many many people, but any time I have ever needed help, I have no one there for me. Not one person. I hint my depression, I hint it so much, people acknowledge my mood, and either ignore it, or say a few things and leave. It's like I can help every one else but myself. I am getting very weary. So I will cut this message short. Don't ever believe that good things happen to good people. Because this is not the case. It is not an arm for an arm, or a leg for a leg. This world deals problems out unfairly. Do not judge a book by it's cover, because the person may look ok on the outside. But you will never know what is hidden on the inside unless you try and reach out to that person. If you think you see some one hurting, but they act normal, try and talk to them, as I wish some one had done for me. Please take this advice with much consideration, Thank you.