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the meaning of life

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It's been awhile since I have posted here. I am at a crossroad, fifty plus in a hotel room, a long way from home for six months.
I want to kill myself...no shit.... WTF......
How I GOT HERE and the down hill slide that brought me here is a long story.
I have the means.
Look at other humans and just seem to be a different species. Have no connection with anyone and no way to connect. Have tried in my own,, somewhat inane way but it never works.
Death equals peace and relief from my torchered exististance.
It's like I have lost my desire to live in this world, I am just a post note to the past and its time to go.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi Mollycat know hun it hurts so badly i do let the tears come okay cry it out but there is help okay You go to hospital and get it okay tell them straight up you are going to end it if they don't help you hun. There you will have rest and have someone to talkto and get meds to help you YOu do deserve peace hun please call crisis line and get help you deserve hugs


Well-Known Member
Hi Mike,

Please take a step back…

I hear you…we humans can feel so disconnected/separated…like Eckhart Tolle said in his book “The Power of Now”:

Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments, and definitions that blocks all true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God. It is this screen of thought that creates the illusion of separateness, the illusion that there is you and a totally separate "other." You then forget the essential fact that, underneath the level of physical appearances and separate forms, you are one with all that is. By "forget," I mean that you can no longer feel this oneness as self-evident reality. You may believe it to be true, but you no longer know it to be true. A belief may be comforting. Only through your own experience, however, does it become liberating.
What is the meaning of life? Is death really equal to peace and relief?

I’ve read some of your other posts. You mentioned that you believe in Jesus and God. So maybe we can say that our life is a gift from God? How do we treat the gift from God then? What is life? Who or what are we really? Maybe the meaning of our life experiences as human beings is to find out the answers? Just exploring with you…

Is our peace dependent on things? Is it possible to feel peace beyond understanding?

I don’t know if you are familiar with the book “A Course In Miracles”. Some feel or believe that it is a book channelled by Jesus. Here is a link to a free online website with the book (the text is a bit different from the hard copies) and related info:


Maybe you will find the book speak to you…I understand that it has helped many people...

Please hang in there!! hugs :hug:
I can't go to a hospital. That would ruin my LAST Chance of getting the job that is the only reason I am still here.
It's a long story about life, pain, and my inability to ever make the right choice.
Have has given up on God and Jesus.. It...my faith... has been broken.
Thanks for the kind words and support. I know how many broken people there are here.
I am just one more lost soul on the edge of oblivion.
Funny I think that where I am and how I got here, is the meaning of life.
Some in this life are winners and some are losers. Never thought of myself as a loser until just recently.
Just sitting here and looking at thing that will take away the pain and wondering if I have the courage to leap to the other side.
Will most likely wait and see how this job turns out. If it works great, if not then I am going back to my home in New England and kill myself there.


Well-Known Member
How do we define “winners” or “losers” if there are such things? Or are they just labels for the egos?

Some so called “winners” may be still extremely unhappy while some “losers” can be very peaceful…

Wish you well…
hey, I don't know what the definition of a loser or winner really is.
All I know is that at this time of my life...I sure don't feel very much like a winner.
Sitting in a hotel hundreds of miles from home.With just one more last chance to get a new start. No girlfriend,ex-wife that is living in my old home.No friends, just this laptop.
Actually I am lucky, still have enough money to "sit in a hotel" there are lots of people that are in the street.
All I want is a chance to be happy again.Don't care about having money. Just someone to care for me and someone I can care for and love back.
It's to much to ask for I guess.


Well-Known Member
Hi again Mike,

It’s not too much to ask, but it takes time and patience…

Maybe if you focus more on how to live, things will happen for you…

With best wishes…
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