the memories are haunting me

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ithemba, Feb 27, 2011.

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  1. ithemba

    ithemba New Member

    I had my attempt about half a year ago...
    After that I had been keeping myself busy, like working 14 to 16 hours per day....and didn't even think about it and pretend that nothing had happened.
    But in the past month, I felt that in order to have a fresh start, I have to face what has happened and think it through.
    And since then the scenes of all the details and thinking i did before my attempt has been haunting me, and it's painful. I don't know who to talk to or how to work this through. Is it normal that i'm struggling with this?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome. That is very brave to take a look at that...maybe working with a professional to sort out what got you to that point would be useful...and yes, things come back to our memory when we are ready to take them on...big hugs, J
  3. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Its normal to start processing the memories when you're ready for it. And unless you have somebody close, somebody mature, solid psychologically and trustworthy, it would help you a lot to get professional help. There might also be a peer support group in you area, so that would be worth looking into as well.
  4. marsb

    marsb Member

    I must say its been four years and I have not once looked back. I guess I feel I have a new start and I have no regrets, I was one of the lucky ones to be able to be DOA and make it. It was very liberating and my life could not go on without my suicide. As strange as this may sound ever since I was very young I knew that this would happen. I do not recommend this to anyone ( suicide) but for me it was the reset button and I think looking back will only put me back there. So if you dont have to focus on it then dont, go on living and remember you are one of the lucky ones.
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Yeah it's normal. If you have repressed it for so long by working such long hours and keeping busy they are going to come back. The feelings will not go away unless they are dealt with. After you attempted did you get anything put in place to support you?

    Maybe you should go to your doc and ask them to refer you on to someone so that you can talk over these thoughts and feelings with someone and learn to categorise them and move on. If you keep repressing them they will keep cropping up every now and again.

    Good luck

  6. ithemba

    ithemba New Member

    Thank you so much for all of your replies and being supportive. I feel so safe talking about this here. I'm scared to talk to my friends, cause they don't understand :(

    Marsb, it’s very amazing how you are so strong and be able to look at it in a different way. You’re right, it’s like a new start. I felt like my whole perspective has shifted. I now cherish things that I didn’t in the past, and stop stressing about things that used to matter so much to me. I’m struggling to stand up on my feet. I feel like I’m kneeling on one side and not able to stand up again. Feel like I’m being so dumb not being able to do that.

    GoldenPsych, no, after my attempt, there isn’t anything put in place. I thought that I will be okay again and can just walk away from that, and not needing to think about it anymore. But now, I wish that there are people who can take my hand and help me to stand up again.

    I have been having trouble to sleep because of these memories, and together with the amount of stress from the work load I have at the moment is making it worse. I worried that my old habit of keeping my cutter in the pocket for instant relief will come back again. I can see that it will come if i don't do anything about it. I had depression about 4 years ago, it was the worst thing that had ever happened, it gave me epilepsy and many other things that I hated. I don’t want to get sick again. I really want to get help.

    Apart from seeing doctor, do you guys have any suggestions on how can I help myself to deal with these memories? I felt that if I don’t do anything, it will only go downhill for me.

    THank you so much for all of you
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