The Moment Pill

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#1
The only thing that works for me, for brief periods, is to wrench my mind away from negative stories about the past and the future that I'm constantly telling myself, and focus instead on the moment I'm actually experiencing, which is the only thing that's real. When I'm able to do that (not always), it's like a magic pill that banishes most of the pain for a little while, and doesn't produce constipation as a side effect. It doesn't last for long, the negative stories are a black hole that constantly tries to drag me back. Like Michael Corleone said, 'just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in'. But focusing my thoughts works, for a few hours, sometimes a whole day. It's just a matter of realizing when I'm getting sucked back in and then having the stamina to haul myself away from the black hole of negative storytelling again.
After a lifetime of depression, my life is in a very negative place right now, one that's very real, nothing fictional about it. The stories shaped the reality and then that altered reality in turn generated even more potent stories, and so on, in a perpetual feedback loop. So I have real problems that aren't going to go away simply because I focus my thoughts on the nice cup of coffee I'm drinking, the sunshine coming in through the window, and the amazing fact that I'm not being stalked by a mountain lion, or having barrel bombs dropped on my head. But the moment pill eases the pain. It wears off, but there's a free lifetime supply.
 

JacsMom

Staff Alumni
#3
You have discovered the "key." It's so easy to focus on the negative. But so hard to let the positive come in, and I know most people, regardless of all the bad things in their life, do have something positive, too. I started looking for a new job last December as I hate the one I have now. All I could think of was "I'll never find a new job. I'm too old, and I don't have the job skills I need." Over and over again, like a mantra. Well, guess what? I start a new job in 2 weeks. As humans, I don't know why a lot of us are so hard on ourselves and so bound and bent on not letting any good thoughts about life or ourselves come in. I think it often keeps us from trying things and getting help, so it becomes a vicious cycle. Thanks for reminding me to spend some time each day focusing on the positive things I do have, even if they may not be the "big" things I want/need. It's a start to getting back on track.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#4
Shyguy, I kind of stumbled into this on my own, but it's an actual, known thing called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and lots of people have been helped with it. I just do it my own way and never looked into the 'real' CBT too deeply, but I'd recommend googling it, no doubt you'll find expert advice there.

My own half-assed way of doing it is by first removing myself from the center of all things (which is how we tend to automatically think of ourselves) and seeing myself as just another bit of unremarkable stuff floating around in the universe. It's a very mind-boggling big universe, so if this little bit of stuff isn't happy, it really isn't important in the least. Puts everything in perspective.
Then I think about what's going on with me at this very moment.When I say the moment, I literally mean this very second, not today, or this week, I mean right now. At this moment, am I hungry? Am I in any danger? Is a sabre-toothed tiger creeping towards me through the high grass? I boil everything down to a basic, primal, animal level. Those are the only things we cared about before we evolved these big brains. Animals live completely in the moment and don't torment themselves with stories about the past and the future, and I'm sure they have much easier, stress free lives.

That's what works for me, but I'm really weird. I highly recommend googling CBT and getting some real information about the real deal. Youtube also, if you search Cognitive Behavioral Therapy you'll find hours and hours of information.
 

JacsMom

Staff Alumni
#5
Yes, I've done CBT but my therapist wasn't very good at it. LOL I fully understand the concept. I just have to remind myself things could be a whole lot worse here.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#6
Yes, I've done CBT but my therapist wasn't very good at it. LOL I fully understand the concept. I just have to remind myself things could be a whole lot worse here.
Then you probably know a lot more about it than I do. I guess it all boils down to finding the internal dialogue that works best for us as individuals. I don't think it's a one size fits all thing. I can see how for most people focusing on positive things can help, but it doesn't for me so much, because I think deep down, I just don't believe it. Positive thinking for me creates expectations and sets me up for future rounds of self loathing, doubt and negativity. When I'm in so much mental pain that I'm panting like a dog trapped in a hot car with the windows closed, the only thing that works is to stop thinking and just be.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
SF Pro
#7
Such good advice to literally live in the moment...but so very hard...as the negative thoughts/feelings come creeping in it seems...something to think on for today...
 

Harmony

Well-Known member
SF Supporter
#8
Glad to have stumbled upon this insightful advice. Being the "over thinker" I am I haven't found much value in traditional CBT. I guess this approach would be termed mindfulness? Something I need to learn and put into practice.
 

Brian777

Safety and Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#9
I believe this is the secret of ending suffering. There was a book written by Eckhart Tolle called the "power of now" and in it he describes his own depression and anxiety and how he had a sudden shift and stopped his incessant thinking, this literally saved his life. I've read it numerous times but still struggle with the concept. Stay in the "now" if you can.
Brian
 

tootall09

SF Supporter
#10
Dang I feel you , those are some true words buddy. I try to do do it too , just focus on the moment sometimes it works for a few minutes to a few hours.

Keep on keeping on!
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#11
Glad to have stumbled upon this insightful advice. Being the "over thinker" I am I haven't found much value in traditional CBT. I guess this approach would be termed mindfulness? Something I need to learn and put into practice.
You're right, it's more mindfulness than it is CBT. I haven't looked too deeply into either of them. The way I approach these things is to get a basic idea of the concepts and then go from there on my own and come up with something that works for me, based on them. Probably not the smartest way of doing it, but the default, standard concept often doesn't quite fit me, because I'm so different from most people. I have to tailor it for myself.
I do a couple of things to help me reboot my head and clear all the negative thought clutter out. One is the breathing and counting method (another thing I briefly skimmed!). Slowly taking a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, and then slowly releasing it, counting with every breath up to 4, and then starting again and repeating it a few times. It's very calming, too. Sometimes to break my thoughts out of a negative loop all it takes is thinking of a catchy piece of music, like the theme song of some sitcom. And of course, sometimes, nothing really works, and then I have to curl up with a book and read till I fall asleep. Good luck, Harmony, I hope some of these things help.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#12
Such good advice to literally live in the moment...but so very hard...as the negative thoughts/feelings come creeping in it seems...something to think on for today...
Oh yeah, the negative thoughts are never too far away. Our thoughts are like rivers, they never stop running and over time they carve deeper and deeper channels and it becomes harder and harder to redirect the flow and carve new ones. But it can be done, we can build our beaver dams that last for awhile, until there's a major flood. Phew, ok, that's one exhausted metaphor.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#13
I believe this is the secret of ending suffering. There was a book written by Eckhart Tolle called the "power of now" and in it he describes his own depression and anxiety and how he had a sudden shift and stopped his incessant thinking, this literally saved his life. I've read it numerous times but still struggle with the concept. Stay in the "now" if you can.
Brian
Oh yes, he's very interesting, I've come across him before. I saw some of his talks on Youtube a few years ago. I should check them out again.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#15
When looking at things from the center of our own personal reality, it's easy to scoff at anyone who dishes out platitudes and says things will get better. But there's one thing that's common to all of us, everyone who's alive, regardless of what our personal reality tells us: we really and truly have no idea what the future holds. The future of tomorrow, or next week, or the next five minutes. Shit happens, sometimes it's bad shit, sometimes it's good shit, but shit of one sort or another is definitely going to happen. Every moment of existence is a dice roll, and just because it comes out snake eyes many times in a row has nothing to do with how the next roll will turn out.
 
#16
HumanExMachina. Wow! I am so in sync with what your saying and so impressed with how articulate you are. You have come upon such a deep understanding of where our pain comes from and how we can help it retreat, at least for awhile.

Thanks for your words!
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#20
I was in a darker place, back then. Thinking that I was about to be airdropped into a dumpster outside Kennedy Airport, and embarking on a new life as a homeless person.

But I was wrong! Completely and utterly wrong. We really do not know what the future holds. My present is a lot better than the future my past self imagined. So forget the past, live the moment that you're in, and leave the future moments to themselves.
 

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