it's one of those days that nothing can go right, it's that kinda days that I actually should not even attempt to go into chat. yet I do. because I want to help people, my intentions are not to hurt them, my intentions are to help them. but not a lot of people seem to believe that. yet, we've all noticed that with some members, the hugs and pats on the back dont seem to help. I want to make things better, I really want to... so I try something else, something that would work for me. what I can't take is all of chat getting on my neck if something goes wrong, or when people do not understand what I'm trying to say... or that maybe, just MAYBE, I made a mistake. I'm only human and I can't change that, even if I wanted to. and than people, freaking out over the smallest things, making a conversation that wasn't about them completely center around themselfs... that's okay, but please... dont tell me I handed you a knife.. please, I can't take that. did you ever even consider how much you might hurt me when I try to reach out and you just dont want the help and sign off, threatening suicide? another sleepless night for me. I can't let that go. now, thanks to somebody, I have images in my mind to go with it... how do you think I feel now? all I wanted was to help you, and you wouldnt let me, even told me it's all my fault. and maybe you're right, maybe you aren't. how are we ever gonna know? I can't take this, I dont have to. what's been said tonight by some members hurt... it hurted a lot. it felt like a lot of people ganging up on me for making a mistake, and than, one member decided to make it all about her. and, omg, I spelled her name wrong, call the BBC, call CNN... I spelled her name without an E... and than she told us she'd was gonna 'finnish what she started yesterday'. god, here we went again... that's exactly what I can't take anymore... she's always back on the day after... and I can't sleep at night because she walked out like that. I tried to tell her that, but I failed. I failed twice in a matter of minutes. cuz I cared, cuz i was trying to help... cuz... I'm me. there's nothing more to it really. all be careful, the monster is here. but don't worry, he'll destroy himself long before you can get to him.