I have been pondering so much the last few weeks. I think it's hard when you do a business transaction and the person lets their emotions get involved. Sometimes the higher value an item, the more you learn. I'm finding that out, to owe someone two grand because they're unwilling to work with you is foolish. I beat myself up for the decision that I made while I was suicidal, no it was not to act, but to find purpose in life and follow a dream. I didn't expect the outcome that came and now I'm stuck owing a lot of money. The person bullied me and made threats. I believed them. I thought what kind of person backs out of donating to a charity? I slowly realised the kind who did the best she could in the moment. A more important question became what kind of person threatens to send a bill to collections when they could easily ask another bidder if they want the item. What kind of person insults and threatens a person through email. My mistake was playing along. Believing it was my fault and I was a horrible person. I agreed to pay the difference between my bid and the next bidder. It came out to two grand. I can't afford it all right now. I will pay it in monthly instalments and if she chooses to send it to collections than so be it. I have no choice over it... besides the choice of paying it off and going back into depression because I need the money right now. I guess the moral of the story is to believe in yourself. I know I have not handled this the best way possible, but with the way she handled things it's almost impossible to not become emotional as well. I honestly have never met anyone as heartless as her. I had regret about this whole thing, that it happened, but then I remember how I wanted to kill myself every second of every day. I did the best I could and in the end I followed a dream, I did so because of my boyfriend. I guess when all is said and done, two grand showed me how much I love my boyfriend. It also taught me to value myself because if I don't people will walk over me. I expect to receive some nasty emails tomorrow from her, for the first time since this whole thing started I feel I can handle it. I only wish I felt this way when she sent that first nasty email, but again you do the best you can. For the first time in three weeks I am at peace and feel confident moving forward.