The more depressed I become, the more bad decisions I make

[Hazel Morse]

Lately I've made some poor choices, mostly financial. Now I'm making really frantic, panicked snap decisions about everything and it's driving me deeper into despair.

Today I snapped - I made a bad decision & it's killing me. It's such a little thing - data on my laptop potentially wiped out - but it makes me hate myself for being stupid. It's one more piece of evidence against me - surely now, after the eleventy-billionth thing I've done wrong, someone can pronounce the death penalty?

I add nothing to this world & I fail at everything.

 

[Petal]

Everybody makes mistakes, everyone! Have you ever met anyone that hasn't made mistakes? Even if its more than 1?

Don't be so hard on yourself, you deserve to feel better about yourself, don't beat yourself up too much just learn from this. I be you do not fail at everything and that it only feels that way right now because you are feeling so low! Hugs to you! And try not to make that mistake again

 

[Hazel Morse]

Thank you, but it's just one mistake after another, I can't live with this anymore.

 

[Kiwi2016]

I also know that feeling as well too well...but as @Petal said dont be too hard on yourself..speaking for myself i've had days/weeks where that seemed to be my reality-- I've found if I just step back from it all give myself permission to just breathe it helps...hugs to you...

 

[Claudia UK]

I agree with all the above. Please dont be to hard on yourself. We all make mistakes believe me . We all been there and done that. Mistakes happen but there is no reason to punish yourself . No matter how important it was / is , breathe Hazel. Do something completely different to relax and then tackle the problem again but please stop blaming yourself. You are probably under enormous stress and that can lead to irrational decisions sometimes and believe me , you are not the only on how did that.

 

[JDot]

If I'm reading you correctly, what I'm getting is that you've been sabotaging yourself. You're so worried about making a bad decision, you end up intentionally making a bad decision. It's a self-fulfilled prophecy. I understand exactly how that works because I do it all the time. It's something I've been working on getting better at. There are several things I believe got you into this pattern but the biggest part of it is a lack of trust and faith. In order to get out of this cycle it will require gaining trust and faith. When I use the word faith, I'm not saying you have to be religious. Although that could possibly help. Having trust in yourself and faith in yourself will help tremendously.

I notice your post ends with "I add nothing to this world & I fail at everything." That's something you can easily internalize. You need to internalize the opposite. Keep telling yourself "I add much to this world and I succeed at many things." Even if that's not true now, If you internalize it and come to believe it, it can become true. Notice I didn't say 'succeed at everything'. That's because expecting yourself to succeed at everything would put too much pressure on yourself. Anyways I hope you get to feeling better. ((HUG))

 

[Walker]

I was going to say exactly the same thing as jdot so jot me down for a vote on "self sabotage".

 

[Hazel Morse]

I also know that feeling as well too well...but as @Petal said dont be too hard on yourself..speaking for myself i've had days/weeks where that seemed to be my reality-- I've found if I just step back from it all give myself permission to just breathe it helps...hugs to you...

Thank you, I'm trying, but it's just one disappointment after another.

 

[Hazel Morse]

Thank you, though it was trust in others, or lack of trust in my BS detector that got me in this state.

 

[Kiwi2016]

Thank you, I'm trying, but it's just one disappointment after another.

@Hazel Morse, I truly do know how you feel (just posted a long rant on my current situation)...and you seem like me that you just want things to slow down a bit so that you have the time to think... @JDot is so very right in his advice of having faith and trust in yourself---I can read that rationally but the really hard part as he said is truly internalizing it...so my hope for you is that you are able to start to do that a little bit each day...and also remember to be gentle with yourself as you work through this ...sending you hugs...