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The most uplifting post I ever read.

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#1
I was talking on another forum (which I will leave un-named) about how I was feeling suicidal and one member (who I will also leave un-named) posted this reply. I have removed the parts that indicate who he is, the forum we're on and what it's about for privacy.

I just thought I'd post it here because it presents a lot to think about and helped me to feel a little... I don't know, safer.

Hey there pal! You might not know me, but I'm just one of the stalkers here who stalks people [removed for privacy] :)

I see you're sufffering from depression. No need to fret about it because I've been through stuff like that too. Yes, it's taken me some time to move on and yes, it still hurts quite a bit when I have to tell people about what happened to me, but this is the recap, in bullet point form for your convenience:

1. I am white
2. I am Indonesian
3. In 1996-1999, white people with Chinese/Dutch blood were genocided
4. My family and I were the one of the victims
5. My friends were killed
6. My dad was stoned, and I was burnt alive
7. I had no friends until grade 8-ish, and at school I was isolated
8. At school, my marks were downgraded on purpose because I'm white
9. And I felt like I belong nowhere, and I was on the run constantly
10. So then I fell into a brief period of depression

So then I met this guuuuuuuuuuyyy (awwwww I knooow) and well I needed one. I was lonely and all and 'twas great, really when someone said that he'd understand, etc. However, he left me because "I'm white and I don't like the things that he likes."

Trust me, that bloody sucked.

I fell into further depression, cursing how I looked every single day, and always thought of ending my life via numerous ways that I saw on TVs and movies and everything. I thought that that would be an escape, since a lot of my friends (fellow white Indos) also killed themselves.

But here's one thing I like about me: every time I tried to kill myself/ self-harm, I always said to myself to hold on just for one more day, and I've been doing that ever since.

And so the genocide was resolved a few years later, and I was I think around 15 when it was all over. So pretty much the first 12 years of my life sucked. Even when I was a baby, because discrimination was there (not quite the genocide yet) even then. I remember being forced to sit on the corner doing my own work. I had no friends then, too.

Funny thing is, I never got mad. Weird, I know :P

Well, Erasmas (if that's your real name), let me tell you this.

Be strong, buddy. You might feel like you're not important (DUDE, OKAY I FEEL LIKE THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY OKAY SO YOU'RE NOT ALONE), but I'm v.v.v.v.v.v. sure there are heaps of people out there that really need you and love you. I know your partner left and I'm really sorry for that, but you have people here who cares for you okay?

I'm one of them, and I'm here.

Well, not there, there, but here :)

If she really left you because you're depressed (a.k.a "not perfect"), well that means that she's not the right person for you. I'm sorry for saying that because I know you love her and need her, but my parents once told me that when someone loves another, he/she would stay through everything. That's what partners do, after all. And they'll always be there through hard times.

My mom used to be anorexic (like, really REALLY badly), but dad's never left her. Sure, he got pretty frustrated over time, but he didn't simply explode and left her alone.

I think you're done a great job maintaining your [removed for privacy]! I know I'm PM and all, but I think I haven't done a pretty good job :P and I know it's hard, but trust me - they need you. They just don't show it at times :)

Don't ever hurt yourself. Instead of using helium to choke yourself, why not fill up baloons with them and just simply release them up to the sky? Or maybe write down all your worries on a piece of paper, put it in the balloon and let them fly away?

Cheer up. All of us here in the [removed for privacy] prefer you alive and well :)

And it takes a LONG time to move on, and it may take longer to find the person who will finally understand you. But hey - by then it'd be worth it, because for that person, you'd mean the world.

Anyway, I hope this helps in any way, and just PM me if you need anything.

-[removed for privacy]
To be honest, I have doubts about the legitimacy of his story. I did some quick research and can't seem to find anything about this genocide. Indonesia killed many people in East Timor, but I don't think that had anything to do with being white and of Dutch/Chinese blood. That being said, I am more than willing to trust that he is telling me the truth.

But regardless of whether or not it's true, I think it is the most inspirational post I've ever read.
 

Butterfly

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#2
Im glad you have something to give you inspiration :) in those dark times you can read it and remember to keep going.
 
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