The actual Mothman was a supposed creature that was seen in West Virginia by people in the 60's. But in actuality there a many who exist today. So many people even on this board that feel like they dont even belong. As if their soul landed on the wrong world. I am one of them. A creature. With big red eyes, large wings and sharp teeth that everyone misunderstands. Well, not literally, but sometimes that how I feel in public. I try to stay in my cave as much as I can so I dont go out and scare the beautiful normal people. I have one of the worse types of social anxieties. Im prejudice against attractive people. Their advantages anger me. Give me anxiety attacks. They have so much that I can only dream of. I dream of just looking normal, or average. A simple trip to the store can be quite a nerve-racking adventure. Its interesting, our own human nature. I had a conversation with my sister the other day and she was complaining about moths that got into her house. Ive seen her scream hysterically when one flies around her head. I thought maybe she had a phobia with insects. But she doesnt. She adores butterlies and lady bugs and other asthetically gifted insects. I asked her why. She gave such a simple, brief, honest answer. Because theyre ugly. Fair enough. Its interesting though. How people can jump out of their skin when something like a moth touches them. They kill them. Spray them. Swat them away. But they spend their life chasing butterflies. To collect. And admire. So lucky, the butterfly. I know I complain about this alot. Like a child crying about not having toys. But its d*mn tough being ugly. I feel particularly suicidal today. I sympathize with the moth though. Were the same. Have alot of similarities. People kill us because of the way we look. Have to fly around a candle, just to be seen. Im afraid of the dark too. I was born in the wrong world. Its hard living like this. Having no chance at something that is essential as love. Possibily a family. Just waking up with someone next to you to face the world with each day. People treat me like I have a flesh eating disease. Complete strangers. I dont think anyone can really truly be happy in life if they cant love their own self. To have self esteem. A sence of worth or value. To be admired or loved. God I wish I knew what that felt like. To not have to look at every reflection of myself in disgust. I may just about hate every single thing about myself. I feel like God's very bad experiment. I think im here because I have to balance out God's world. I guess thats value of sorts. Im important too. Im the distinction between Good and bad. Beauty and ugliness. Day and night. Happy and sad. There can be no butterflies, if there are no moths. Its why you all look at me that way. Im what turns your stomach. Depending on the person you react with humor, view me as grotesque or for the kindest of souls, just simply pity me. Pity me, and then call me your friend. Friend from afar. A very far. Cant be seen flying with the moth. Dont call me nice, or sweet. Stop telling me i write so well. Im not a good guy. And im not your friend. Im just a freak. Introducing the amazing unloveable man. We have something in common though. We both hate me. The thing I hate most is I have to sit and watch you. Its torment. Constant lifetime of torment. When you laugh, I cry. When your happy, im sad. They live all their dreams. I live out all of my worst nightmares. I have to watch them get married and have children. Go to parties and travel around the world. Graduate and celebrate. I have to sit through it all. Count all your friends. Watch all of you grow more beautiful, while I deform. What you succeed while I fail. Listen to your happy little stories. Then you ask me what I been up to. Oh ive been peachy. How can somethings go so right and somethings go so wrong. I cant imagine many people whose heart is as lonely as mine. Its like carrying a brick in your chest. To the point of watching people hold hands want to make me put a bullet in my head. I wonder whats that like. Having love squeeze your hand. Or hug you. Or dare I say a kiss. Thats the hardest part about this. Wanting something I will never have. Wanting to go to the moon but its too far. Wanting to be handsome. Wanting to love myself. Wanting to know what happiness feels like. Wanting a real life. A moth wanting to be a butterfly. Wanting to die, but no choice but to be alive. I have to sit through it all. Soak it in. Let it torment me. Every nightmare. Its everywhere. The pain. Follows you into your dreams. Deep into your conscious. The misery. I dont need this damn heart. I wanna throw it in the garbage. It cause me so much pain. Why would God give a heart to a beast. To something everyone would fear. To someone everyone would hate or pity. I guess thats my value. My worth. To be the example. Do you see me now. I shouldnt have come here. But I was created. I didnt ask to be here. The mothman. Im sorry. I cant change it. I cant go back. You dont have to kill me. Or squat me away. Please dont hate me. Why are you laughing. Im not so bad. Why cant I have a chance. I have a heart too. I have feelings. But asking you to love me would be to defy every fiber of your nature. To go against Gods design. I cant force anyone to love me. I dont think even think at this point I could force myself to love me. But if you did maybe Id have a chance you know. If God did maybe Id have a chance. :'( Look at me. Look at ME. You think there is a God out there that loves me? No... he loves you. This is your beautiful world. Your happy life. Where i dwell. Im just a prop. You feed off my misery. To make you feel so good about yourself. So lucky and blessed that God made you wonderfully. Normal. Lovable. Always give thanks. To our creator. When God said let there be light! You were born. And God said bring forth all the creeping things. I opened my eyes.