The Myth of the Perfect Job ("love what you do and do what you love")

#1
I have found that one of the most damaging and destructive beliefs in our culture is that everyone has an ideal job or career (a "calling") and should be able to determine what that is, and achieve it with enough effort, no matter what their circumstances or resources.

I think in many ways this belief just makes people more unhappy with their lot in life.

Some people do get into a job they love, whether through luck or hard work or a combination (I've observed that luck and circumstance --especially financial resources-- play a bigger role in this than most people would like to admit), but in my experience these people are a small minority of the population. Everyone may have *something* they like about their job, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm also not thinking of people for whom work is a labour of love but don't make enough to live on without parental or spousal or other forms of support. I know a lot of artists and writers who fall in the latter category.

Personally I'm not sure I have an "ideal" career, certainly not one that I've ever been able to decide on, and I think my past trauma, extreme sensitivity, social issues and mood disorder are huge challenges for any job.

I've spent a lot of time around people who like to say things like "Leap, and the net will appear!" I agree that for people with financial resources, strong social connections and family networks, this may indeed by likely. What we don't hear about are all the people for whom the net does not appear and they crash.

I must say i do believe in Joseph Campbell's "thousand unseen helping hands" which will assist when you do something you love.... However you have to first know what you want to do, and be in a position to begin.

I've also seen people like my husband who struggled for decades to enact his dream of being a public high-school English teacher (which is a well paid career here with a lot of competition). While he did become a certified teacher and did years of substituting, he never secured a steady job in the public system. Students who saw him in public walked up to him and said he was the best teacher they ever had (I witnessed this on several occasions). He ended up working for international schools with no benefits or pension plan. He also, sadly, ended up hating teaching. I've met several people who achieved what they thought was their dream and ended up just feeling like it was a grind.

What do you think? And please no platitudes.
 
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#2
I should add that with my husband, he had the misfortune of being assigned to do his teaching practicum in a tiny school district with just 1 high school, and due to the huge oversupply of English teachers was never able to get hired in any other district. By contrast one of his friends from his teaching studies (who was very lazy and barely passed) was assigned to a large district and got hired full-time right away. Luck plays a huge role although nobody admits this.

And unfortunately this makes many people feel like some kind of moral failure if they don't have a job they love, like they didn't believe enough or try hard enough.
 
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Sunspots

To Wish Impossible Things
Admin
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#3
I can't agree with you more! I've never known what I wanted to do (other than marry a billionaire!). I've flitted from one career to another as things have just sort of fallen in my lap. It makes me feel restless as I'm constantly wondering if I'm on the right path.

My daughter is 23 and doing the job she has wanted to do since she was 5 years old. She absolutely loves her job, says it doesn't feel like work. In fact she worked for nearly three years without pay to get the experience needed to land a paid job in her chosen field. So yes, it's taken a lot of help and support (not least financially) from myself and her father to enable this.
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#4
I wish I knew what my most suitable job would be but being artistic and just wanting to paint, even that isn't ideal and I'd never earn enough to feed myself. I spent a few years working in an office job/commuting in London and it was hell on earth for me, I couldn't bear it. Personally I think this idea of having a job is just a way to keep the masses off the streets, so millions of us are totally unsuited to most jobs. Marriage gave me my freedom but even when I considered going back I knew I couldn't because of my migraines.

Yes, as for artists, I always look to see if they have support and I haven't come across any that make a living 100% from their art.

I wish we could fast forward to a time when it's the norm to work 3-4 days a week and for people to actually to have lives outside of work. The system as it is now is inhumane.
 

JDot

remember to drink plenty of water
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
I always hate when people ask what I want to do with my life. I don't really want to do anything. This is part of why I'm an antinatalist. We just bring people into the world to work and be miserable. And I don't believe for one second that anyone actually enjoys their job. They just say that because they believe they're expected to.
 

Blossom

Well-Known Member
#6
I have never known what I have wanted to do career wise I think it's because my anxiety puts up barriers so it's more a case of what job can I cope with.

I've been at my current job a good few years now, I'm comfortable there, I dont have a manager constantly around. work is mostly solitary now due to covid which I dont mind really, sometimes it's nice to have the odd day where a colleague is in with me.
Pay is not the best but it suits me at this moment in time.
 

Livelife

SF Supporter
#7
Wow, great topic:) The following isn't exactly on point but it describes a shift for me in my career from starting out ideal and devolving into not so ideal.
I loved nursing and midwifery for many years, so I really had 2 careers. Being a nurse with a BSN gave me an open door to any area I wanted to explore and practice. Then medicine changed. And education changed. Nursing became overspecialized. To keep up I guess with the medical business industry. You also at a point in time started needing a master's to become a CNM. (certified nurse midwife) It became basically impossible to continue being a lay midwife. I could no longer find a physician to cover me starting back in the 90's.
No longer could you usually gain your experience in nursing from the ground up by working a particular area. You usually had to have it before being hired into it. Or be a brand new graduate and young so that your skills and how you approached giving care etc.could be molded by the corporation hiring you. The number of patients doubled that were assigned in your shift and does not enable you to do much more than pass medications, give very basic care, and spend inordinate amount of time to document document document when you are in a hospital or primary care setting.
I could have gone back to work these last two years during the shortage created by the pandemic and seriously considered it but finally decided that at my age the risk of acquiring the illness combined with being alone outweighed any benefits as much as I would love to have some feeling of self worth and being of service which is what I would still experience some when working even within materialistic corporate mentality.

What shortsightedness and such a wasteful disservice to your husband's dream and skills that he was not given a steady place in the system.
 
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Angel38

Well-Known Member
#8
With therapy my mind changed about job and about many other things: I used to not work for money, but more for enthusiasm, but I still earned well, in the same time I felt myself exploited, and I always wanted acceptance and appreciation (which I never really got) and I had a stable job, and I considered the office as my family and never dared to talk to people in high position.
Now I am almost the opposite, working for money for which I had to fight, dont want to see people in the office....and finally I do dare to speak to people in high position so I think/hope that the job will be created and not "given" for me.
We will see how it goes.
 

RCee

Well-Known Member
#10
I have had so many jobs/career
in my lifetime. Gigs... etc....

I just can’t stay anywhere for a really long time, as well as hold more than one at once.

A job, is a job!

What do you want to do win life, do something that makes you happy.......

Well not working makes me happy
Not having money makes life hard to live so....
Guess I’ll work.

I also have had 6 comfortable (meaning I had money at the time to live comfortably )years out of work.
Wasn’t happy then either.
Even turning my hobby baking) into a career (pasty chef) .. I got bored of that after a few years.

Everyone is different. There are ‘professions/jobs’ I stick with or should say fall back on at times when I don’t want to put much effort in.
 

cymbele

SF Supporter
#12
I had my dream job for 7 years mid way in my career. Then the dreaded layoffs occured and I was never able to get into a comparable position. I took this job and while it is not my dream job it is comfortable and I am good at it. It pays okay. at my age I am just coasting into retirement. I hope for no more layoffs. I sometimes long for something akin to my dream job but I don’t think it’ll occur. So I collect my paycheck and try not to stress over work. It’s only a paycheck.
 
#13
I can't agree with you more! I've never known what I wanted to do (other than marry a billionaire!). I've flitted from one career to another as things have just sort of fallen in my lap. It makes me feel restless as I'm constantly wondering if I'm on the right path.

My daughter is 23 and doing the job she has wanted to do since she was 5 years old. She absolutely loves her job, says it doesn't feel like work. In fact she worked for nearly three years without pay to get the experience needed to land a paid job in her chosen field. So yes, it's taken a lot of help and support (not least financially) from myself and her father to enable this.
That is awesome that your daughter has a job she loves. Hopefully she will always feel that way. Sadly it doesn't surprise me that she had to work without pay for 3 years to get it. She is fortunate indeed that you and your husband were able to support her through that. Many jobs these days require a lot of education and/or unpaid internships, and this can make it impossible for people without resources.

Like you I've been in a variety of jobs. Unfortunately I kind of messed up with not doing an advanced degree but my husband and I already had 90K in student loans. So I was there with a bachelor degree in psychology and any jobs related to my degree paid close to minimum wage (to be a researcher or therapist requires a master's degree at least). So I ended up in an unrelated field and got stuck there for financial reasons due to my husband having so many difficulties finding anything steady over the years (he also has a disability).

The only thing I've every really wanted to be is a writer/novelist but working and helping my husband took priority. I have sold short stories and am looking to finish a novel soon and then hopefully can devote myself to writing when I retire early. But believe it or not there is ageism even in the book publishing industry (especially major publishers where you actually make any money and get exposure) and I hope I can overcome that.
 
#14
I wish I knew what my most suitable job would be but being artistic and just wanting to paint, even that isn't ideal and I'd never earn enough to feed myself. I spent a few years working in an office job/commuting in London and it was hell on earth for me, I couldn't bear it. Personally I think this idea of having a job is just a way to keep the masses off the streets, so millions of us are totally unsuited to most jobs. Marriage gave me my freedom but even when I considered going back I knew I couldn't because of my migraines.

Yes, as for artists, I always look to see if they have support and I haven't come across any that make a living 100% from their art.

I wish we could fast forward to a time when it's the norm to work 3-4 days a week and for people to actually to have lives outside of work. The system as it is now is inhumane.
OMG I so agree with you about the 3-4 days of work. I have always wanted a 3-day work week for health reasons and to pursue my passion of writing. I even started at my company initially because 3 days/week earned me the same salary as full-time at my previous job. Unfortunately I've only had a few months every few years where I was able to work the 3-day week because my company forced all "part-time" employees to work 4 full days a week. Totally stupid and I wish I had known back then I could have probably gotten a medical note. Unfortunately my husband's career faltered badly and we needed the money. In fact a lot of our family (especially my husband's family) judged me harshly for not going full time. Despite the fact that I was already pulling in 80% of the income, and also assisting him with his job as he has a visual disability.

Unfortunately most people would choose more money over less work days. When I started training at my company, it was 4 days a week and the people I trained with all raved about how great it was to have a long weekend every week but make the same money as in their previous full-time jobs. We all started part-time yet within 6 months everyone but me had gone full-time. Unfortunately it's hard to advance in your career if you're part-time. I wish people's priorities were different but most people would rather have a fancy SUV and the newest iPad than have more time. Whatever else they might say.

Regarding artists and writers - I've always been bitterly jealous of the many artists and writers I knew who had spouses or parents who would fully or partly support them. I've known half a dozen female writers who worked a day or two a week (or not at all) because their husbands made the bulk of the income. Some of them had kids though. I've been in the opposite boat needing to support my husband due to his disability and trouble finding any work.
 
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#15
Wow, great topic:) The following isn't exactly on point but it describes a shift for me in my career from starting out ideal and devolving into not so ideal.
I loved nursing and midwifery for many years, so I really had 2 careers. Being a nurse with a BSN gave me an open door to any area I wanted to explore and practice. Then medicine changed. And education changed. Nursing became overspecialized. To keep up I guess with the medical business industry. You also at a point in time started needing a master's to become a CNM. (certified nurse midwife) It became basically impossible to continue being a lay midwife. I could no longer find a physician to cover me starting back in the 90's.
No longer could you usually gain your experience in nursing from the ground up by working a particular area. You usually had to have it before being hired into it. Or be a brand new graduate and young so that your skills and how you approached giving care etc.could be molded by the corporation hiring you. The number of patients doubled that were assigned in your shift and does not enable you to do much more than pass medications, give very basic care, and spend inordinate amount of time to document document document when you are in a hospital or primary care setting.
I could have gone back to work these last two years during the shortage created by the pandemic and seriously considered it but finally decided that at my age the risk of acquiring the illness combined with being alone outweighed any benefits as much as I would love to have some feeling of self worth and being of service which is what I would still experience some when working even within materialistic corporate mentality.

What shortsightedness and such a wasteful disservice to your husband's dream and skills that he was not given a steady place in the system.
Wow, that's awful and unfortunately pretty common types of changes in health care. I hope you are comfortable financially.

Yes, it was awful what happened to my husband. There's even more to the story as he was basically fired from his only long-term (5 year) steady job for having a disability. Then told there's nothing he can do because they were a non-profit thus exempt from the government's rule of having to accommodate an employee with a disability. The thing that angers me is that stories like his don't get told -- nobody wants to hear about employers who got away with bad things especially if they are a nonprofit society run by a special interest group.
 
#16
One of the problems for me personally that makes me want to end my life. I am interested in so many things (like art) that like you say, you have to have all the stars align for you to make a living with. And with social anxiety, agoraphobia, misaphonia, etc., that ain't gonna happen.
*hug - I really hope the stars do align for you one day. For me too.
 
#17
People control other people’s ability to get that dream job or not. Wish Lady’s husband was given the chance. not fair or right
Thank you - he feels like a failure now :( I keep telling him he did an amazing job given the limitations imposed on him. He inspired a lot of his students' lives, whether high-school students or ESL (english language) foreign students. He substituted for a few months in one high-school English class, and a girl submitted a true story of being drugged at a party and sexually assaulted, and my husband had to get the school counsellor involved (with her permission) but she said she was glad she wrote it for his class because he was the right person to tell and she knew he would be on her side. We ran into this girl several years later (I didn't know it was her at the time) and she was so happy to see him her face lit up.

That's the kind of man he is - just such a kind and thoughtful and bookish person he puts out that kind of compassionate energy. It is a loss to the world that he couldn't get much work, but at least he had a few teaching jobs.
 

Velveteen Bunny

Well-Known Member
#18
I feel sad about both you and your husband, Lady Wolfshead. It always seems to be the people who are so talented and have so much to give, ending up not able to live up to their potential due to life circumstances. I hope I can one day sit down to read one of your books! And I don't like the new round of young authors that Amazon is always trying to push. You can tell by the reviews that it's another fluffy storyteller who has had no life experience, lol.
 
#19
I feel sad about both you and your husband, Lady Wolfshead. It always seems to be the people who are so talented and have so much to give, ending up not able to live up to their potential due to life circumstances. I hope I can one day sit down to read one of your books! And I don't like the new round of young authors that Amazon is always trying to push. You can tell by the reviews that it's another fluffy storyteller who has had no life experience, lol.
Thanks so much. I still have hope so we'll see... I'm 53 not dead yet, and lots of authors do get published when they are older (some did in my writers' group). My husband is retired but will be tutoring again when Omicron fades.
 

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