The New Conversation Thread

[dandelion s]

Don’t you ever just want to talk to someone? like on the bus and you turn to the next gal or guy and start a conversation (yeah right - it ends up just in your mind - maybe its a little crazy...) or... maybe you do. what to talk about? well for me anything is fine. could be about the weather or his shoelace is untied. or maybe what will happen if all the airlines go out of business... or “hey that’s a nice pen... or that whenever i type, all the letters come out in the wrong qesunece.

ok, i’m lonely i admit it. i just want to have a nice casual conversation. maybe it will start a new friendship or rekindle an old one. so what i will do is just type @ and then close my eyes and type 3 or so letters and those who’s names come up get tagged. if its none or less than 3 people i’ll do it again. if its a dozen people then they all get tagged. then wait a day or so... but in time maybe something good will start up....

maybe some friendships can blossom. maybe there’s some fun to be had.
@Diksha @dikshith bn @Tyndion

 

[dandelion s]

hey, hows it going @LonelyHiker ? anyone who stops by is more than welcome to participate. i’m always interested in the adventures you speak about...

 

[dandelion s]

i hope you are all doing well @Inya @Sunday16 @Bergerac @Lilmeowmeow @LonelyHiker
once i was sitting on a bus that was gradually getting more and more crowded. i was probably about 55 or so at the time. when sitting on a bus i tend to fall into a very unpleasant sleep dream state and am not all that aware of my surroundings any more than to be very uncomfortable about being there at all.

i was seated on a seat facing in right behind the driver and was awaken by an elderly woman who obviously wanted my seat. she began speaking to me in a language that i did not recognize any more than that it was filled with anger and scolding.

i realized that this was a request for the seat. i also knew that it is automatically understood that an elderly person should be given those designated seats near the front - one of which was the one i occupied. still quite not fully awake and kind of flustered i tried to grasp what was going on when a woman sitting next to me - also not elderly - stood and gave her the seat. i think of this event often. i had not intended to be in the role of the selfish uncaring man. yet i feel as if it somehow became a mark against me since i did not appropriately rise the occasion.

 

[dandelion s]

so i wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

I have, but cant think off the top of my head of an example right now. I do remember times when I wasn't with it and looked like an idiot not being able to understand what someone was trying to say to me until someone else stepped in. I've felt so embarrassed and guilty, but at least we didnt mean any harm

 

[dandelion s]

I have, but cant think off the top of my head of an example right now. I do remember times when I wasn't with it and looked like an idiot not being able to understand what someone was trying to say to me until someone else stepped in. I've felt so embarrassed and guilty, but at least we didnt mean any harm

its just so frustrating because it only looks like you were deliberately being inconsiderate and only trying to squirm out of the guilt.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

its just so frustrating because it only looks like you were deliberately being inconsiderate and only trying to squirm out of the guilt.

yeah exactly

 

[Sunday16]

I haven't had a situation like that on a bus, but did at a shoe store once. There was a sale on shoes and I found a pair of sandals that were sort of orthopedic looking, very supportive, and very comfortable. An older woman with a walker saw me holding them and began talking to me. She said she liked the sandals very much, asked where I found them, and gushed that they were just what she was looking for and were her size. They were just what I was looking for too, and they were the only pair. I could have given them to her, but I didn't. I bought them and my husband ribbed and teased me every time I wore them, saying I "stole them from a little old lady." I eventually stopped wearing them because of that. Maybe I should have let her have them.

 

[dandelion s]

once i was waiting at an intersection for the light to change (walking). suddenly i felt something on my back. it nearly hurt. it was an elderly woman’s cane. she was getting my attention in order to get help walking across the street. well i did let her hold on and we went across the street. she was very appreciative when we reached the other side. it was still kind of odd to have been hit with the cane as a way to get my attention. but one is taken aback and also understands that the measures an elderly person might take is simply because the believe they deserve the respect/help. society says they deserve it yet it is often not offered. (still i wonder if these statements i’m making are all true and correct). there is so much to consider that actually can't be considered!

 

[Sane Man]

This is bs. My advice is stop taking things so personally, because indifferent people(which the world is full of) will keep walking on you and making you feel guilty for things that were never your intent your whole life, and that is not good for anyone long term. As far as the bus situation goes, I might have had to be there myself but I say screw this old bag. I mean, where's the humility? Someone has a seat already, tough, go F yourself. You don't like it, then don't take the bus. Nobody has to give you a seat or anything, and if you're 'so wise' in your old age then you should know this already.

And as far as the shoe thing, I would have had no sympathy at all. You already had them in your hand, it's arrogant and prideful to ask for them from a stranger. Again, I say where is the humility? The cane lady... Man, you hit someone with a cane down in some places in the city, and you'll likely get a gun in your face. Bad idea. And that's just reality talking.

I guess my point is many people feel automatically sad or guilty around certain elderly(mostly because those elderly imply it), and they really shouldn't and need to stop for your AND their own good. Man, if I ever get to old fart age(I'm thirty five now) and are that needy or expectant of people for help, than please just shoot me in the back of the head or give me the gun and I'll do it myself. These old geezers or fags need to stop assuming that because they are 'aged', that they automatically deserve all younger people's help, and should be given it. Many of these ancients also claim to be 'so religious and holy' also, when indeed they are full of shit. Empathy/humanity is not really either if it is expected. If it is expected, than that's selfishness, and I don't do that anymore from people who promote it.

I didn't mean to rant on this topic. Also not saying all elders are bad, but it's just my experience that many of them are or just plain goofy. They're not 'right in the head', and really should just be put out of their misery(and more importantly, ours). I don't take unnecessary guilt well anymore after having had so much before in the past, is what I'm trying to say.

 

[Sunday16]

I used to have this card on my refrigerator that said simply, "I love old people." Someone once asked me, incredulously, why? Well, I tried to explain, old people are more genuine than young people. They know who they are, they have nothing to prove, and quite frankly their stories are much more interesting, if you take the time to talk to them and really listen. I learned this when I was fresh out of college and working as a writer for a small local newspaper. I wrote a lot of feature articles and spoke to several Vietnam and World War II veterans. I also met an incredible lady who played for the Philadelphia Bobbies, part of the first women's professional baseball league in the US, in the 1920s. I agree that old people deserve immense respect, more than I think they receive now a days.

 

[Sane Man]

I used to have this card on my refrigerator that said simply, "I love old people." Someone once asked me, incredulously, why? Well, I tried to explain, old people are more genuine than young people. They know who they are, they have nothing to prove, and quite frankly their stories are much more interesting, if you take the time to talk to them and really listen. I learned this when I was fresh out of college and working as a writer for a small local newspaper. I wrote a lot of feature articles and spoke to several Vietnam and World War II veterans. I also met an incredible lady who played for the Philadelphia Bobbies, part of the first women's professional baseball league in the US, in the 1920s. I agree that old people deserve immense respect, more than I think they receive now a days.

Regardless of what I previously posted, I do agree with you on some of your point. I think you may be confusing 'old' with 'experienced' or 'wise' though. I have met many people in my life(age 35), but I don't think it's necessarily age that determines if someone is 'nice' or 'good'. For example, I've met elderly that are very nice, fascinating people with lot's of good advice and conduct themselves well. On the other hand, I've met many that are just flat out dumb, bitter, goofy religious policies, and resent young just because they are young. I've also met 20 year olds that I could say the same about. My point is it's a dangerous assumption that all 80 year olds are the same, or all 20 year olds, or etc. I respect the PERSON for their words and actions, not just because you're of a certain year. Does that make sense? Oh well I'll shut up now

 

[Sunday16]

I agree with your point @Sane Man
It's similar to when people ask me if I like children. My standard answer is I like some children. I don't mean to generalize with my answer, there are good people and crappy people in all age categories. But I do stand by my feeling that older people have more interesting stories than younger people. As a journalist, I've interviewed many people, and the older folks know how to tell a story with depth, passion, and real tenderness.

 

[Ixtab]

I lived in Israel a long time ago but born in America. I was a raging alcoholic and it was Friday night and I was waiting for a ride to the big city to go drinking, had money in my pocket very excited. It was after sundown maybe 8pm very warm nice sunset.

An old lady with a cart is wheeling up to me and I think oh no she’s going to beg for money and my selfish ass would rather spend on myself getting drunk and begging for sex. She gets closer is coming right at me no bus or taxi in sight.

When she gets up to me I make eye contact and she says Shabbat Shalom (good Shabbos it’s a nice greeting on our Sabbath) and reaches into the cart and took out a flower and gave it to me.

I was left there holding the flower after I thanked her with my jaw hanging like damn I’m a crappy person assuming all that and instinctively wanting to be cheap and selfish in sight of someone old I thought was needy.

Drank myself almost to death after that one.

 

[dandelion s]

when i was young a senior was in her or his 70s or more. now a senior is 50. i’m 68 and i am being forced to be a senior. i unfortunalely feel like a senior at times and i will say that there are segments of our system like medicare that makes me feel as if they are in a hurry for me to leave. i’d be ok living to 88. but i see more than one side to the “controversy”. for myself i felt sorry for that woman with the cane. she didn’t really hurt me but she did have nerve. but she was also probably scared to cross the street. i survived the ordeal. it was a learning experience and i benefitted from it.

 

[JMG]

Hey @extraterrestrialone just wanted to say I think this is a really great idea for a topic! I love that the idea is kinda like Jim's Cafe except there isn't a new one every day it's just here whenever a person just wants to talk about something in general. I definitely do sometimes kind of want to strike up a convo with someone when I'm out sometimes for sure. It is a complicated experience for me really cos when I'm not able to get the guts to do that (pretty much never) then I usually feel quite ashamed of myself for not being better at being able to just do that without worrying. Then I feel mad and annoyed by THAT cos I remind myself of WHY that is such a challenge for me in the first place.

Anyway there's so many things I've noticed about people over the years that I liked (whether it was a nice backpack, jacket, pants, hair or even nice gestures like once when I saw a lady give a guy bus fare, she didn't know him or anything she just got up & volunteered to pay it for him, he didn't even thank her which I thought was pretty rude) but I've never really been able to start a convo with someone, certainly not a stranger and especially not if I'm out alone which I am most of the time.

Sometimes people have given me compliments on things which is always such a nice and unexpected surprise. One that really stands out to me is once when I was on a bus a lady complimented first just my jacket which I thought was really nice of her & I said thank you and smiled. But then she said "I like your shoes too" and then before I could say ty again she said "oh and your pants - everything really!" it was just so sweet & sincere, I didn't even know what to say but I did say thank you again in a more blushing kind of way. That was great, I remember after that wishing that more people would react to me that way & that if there was ever a way I could make that be a possibility for my life then I'd definitely want to do that (assuming it was a moral/honest/acceptable/non-shameful kind of thing of course! lol) Anyway just have to work harder on being grateful for the fact that it did happen at least once in my life, and if it's the ONLY time it ever does well that is just how it is then.

I've really enjoyed reading what everyone wrote here, and as for your story of feeling guilty cos of maybe thinking how you acted in that situation wasn't as "nice" as you'd have wanted to be, I would definitely try hard not to worry about it. I know what you mean though, I'd probably feel the same way about them & as it is there are definitely some times in my life where people made hugely wrong assumptions about either something I didn't do (and what it meant) or the other way around, where I did something completely accidentally & people have just turned around & given me this look like I was the sickest, weirdest most despicable person they could ever imagine seeing in their life (how it felt to me anyway). It usually has upset me at the time, but after when I think about it I usually am able to just shake my head and think "wow, I REALLY hope I am never the kind of person who'd make such a snap judgement about a person's whole character like that just from one isolated incident, especially when you know NOTHING about them! To me it just tells me automatically that they maybe aren't using their brain very well or just otherwise need to learn the importance of being a bit less judgemental anyway.

I think if you were judged by anyone in that situation then the people who were doing the judging of a complete stranger have a lot more to be worried about than you do. You did nothing wrong so please hold onto that, remember it and let the strength of that knowledge help you to not waste any more energy dwelling on it cos it's just not worth it. I think it shows you have a good conscience which is a good thing to have of course but sometimes it can go overboard for people (I know it sure does with me at times as well!) so when it does then it just needs to be balanced out again with less worry and more positivity & support
I want to reply about what others have said too but this is already kinda long & since this is meant to be an ongoing conversation topic I will reply again later giving replies to those as well if that's ok. Ty everyone though I think you've all told very interesting stories for sure!

 

[dandelion s]

& volunteered to pay it for him, he didn't even thank her which I thought was pretty rude)

This reminds me of when I gave a very pregnant woman my seat on the subway. She took it unhesitatingly but didn't even look at me let alone say thanks. Her husband (I assume) was standing there too. He neither looked at me or said anything either. He just moved to stand in front of her. Yikes, the kid must be out of college by now. I'm sure it was a cultural thing that prevented the acknowledgement. I'm happy I gave her the seat. I know she desperately needed it.

 

[Inya]

Hey E.T., I'm doing great, thank you, just returned from the beach. Summer is my favorite time and I intend to enjoy it as much as possible. I think I burned my back a little though.

I like to chit chat with random people, I do it a lot in my original country, mostly when waiting for something like a doctor's appointment or in a checkout line. Sometimes I initiate it but only if they’re not busy with a phone or with their own thoughts. If another person starts talking I’m always happy to exchange words with them.

In the country where I live now casual conversation is the most natural thing in every day’s life, but I never start it because I don’t speak the language perfectly. I know it’s totally stupid, people here are super nice and friendly. But what if they respond with a strong accent and words I don’t understand, then I’ll really feel like an idiot. It’s a very small chance since I have no problem talking with my man’s friends and his entire family. But still.

The elderly woman with a cane that’s funny. Odd way to get attention but at least she got it. Too many old people out there don’t know how to ask for help or they simply don’t dare. I agree, they deserve help and if we make their lives a little easier whenever we can it makes us feel good too.

About respect, I don’t think it’s earned with age. I respect or I don’t people of all ages equally. If someone is a mean selfish jerk they don’t get mine even if they’re 100 years old.

now a senior is 50

A what?

 

[dandelion s]

just returned from the beach. Summer is my favorite time and I intend to enjoy it as much as possible.

I miss the beach. Now I don't think my skin can tolerate long exposure to the sun. A long time ago I had my days off in the middle of the week so in the summer I'd go to the beach when only a few people were there. At the time even with no friends and lonliness I still liked to get away from the world, be much closer to who I really am and listen to the waves, feel the current, the hot, the cold and yeah, being me instead of being me. Maybe that was my happiest time even if I didn't know it yet.

 

[Ixtab]

I like the mountains more. The ski resort openings idk next year I’m hoping. There is this new crazy place with no ski lift it’s a cheap ticket but you walk and climb to everything and earn your turns. I think it’s pandemic proof because you’re not on the lift and it’s more meant to be minimalist. Idk if my body can take more than one climb at altitude per day but you can imagine what it’d be like if it could.