Im sitting here drinking a few beers, just got done talking to the mother of my child and the only girl i will ever love. She tells me i need to find happiness and to basically fuck off. Im not proud of this story nor am i this type of person. But a little over a month ago we got into a big fight and i ended up slapping her. She knows exactly how to push my buttons and that day i just snapped from all the pain and anger i keep shoved inside. I wont go on to tell you about the pain and anger but it has to do with my brother commiting suicide 11 years ago and the stress life brings me. I ended up going to jail, she ended up taking my kid away from me. That was the main reason of the slap, she told me she was going to take my son and that i would never see him again. So i snapped. Ive attempted suicide before and unfortunantly failed, since then i got help and the thoughts went away untill a few weeks ago, and tonight i feel i might act upon them. Knowing that i will never get to hold, kiss, and tell her i love her again or spend quality time with her and my son together is killing me. I dont want to live anymore. Im court ordered not to have contact with her untill this time next year. I chanced it and if she turns me in for contacting her im fucked anyways, so why not just hang myself i have fucking nothing to live for. Im fighting for full custody but wtf, who am i kidding...a mother will always fucking win no matter the circumstances. I will probably get a few hours of the day once or twice a week with him. Thats not enough for me. Fuck everything! I cant live this life.