The next few days will be difficult. I'm going to tell my psychiatrst tomorrow about how bad I am feeling. I've made plans. Tidied up the flat, said goodbye to a few friends, bought some christmas presents for some close friends, but in the next few days I'll be making another attempt. What really gets to me is that I can't really say good bye to people, without them saying "Oh but I hope you won't do that". I no longer have any wish to see what happens next, the future doesn't matter.