the night that changed my life. trigger

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by memory18, Oct 18, 2011.

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  1. memory18

    memory18 Member

    I've never told anyone besides my boyfriend that this time last year I was raped. I had just gotten home and was walking to the door when he grabbed me and dragged me to a veils near the house. I never went to the doctor or told the cops because I didn't want people to know. I now am no long am able to go outside when it is dark out or even be inside with out a light on. I even sleep with the tv on. At first my boyfriend was very supportive and would talk to me on the phone when I had to go outside to go to work. Now he works 2nd shift and can't do that. It has really put a stress on our relationship. We used to be normal and be able to touch and stuff but now I can't. It feels very uncomfortable even though I know he didn't do anything. We both want to get married and have kids but im not sure if its possible. I don't know how we can have a normal marriage if we can't connect. We fight all the time about it because he has the urge and I can't do anything.

    Its effecting me alot because it is the year anniversary and my relationship is falling apart. :(
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I think you must tell someone. Bottling it up may feel 'easier' but it will be better to get it out. You deserve it.
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I am so sorry hun :( It's was around this time 2 years ago for me..

    But I think you have to open up and tell someone. A really close friend or professional. I know we can never forget, but I found talking to people has helped me deal with it. Ok.. not a lot but enough.. I can take my mind off of it because I don't feel like I have anything to hide anymore. I do have sex with my bf, and it's very hard, but with different coping techs you can get over this barrier.

    And to get those techs, you have to find the strength to open up, if only a little for the sake of you both. I know what I am saying may feel impossible, and it damn well nearly is.. but I know it can happen and I will help you all I can. You can PM me if you want to talk or anything <3

    Take care :hug: xx
  4. memory18

    memory18 Member

    I have tried telling a friend but she didn't believe me because I honestly don't remember much. I totally blanked after I realized what was happening. What do you do to cope? The last time my bf and I tried, I bleed for about 2 days after and no it wasn't my period.
  5. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you were unable to relax down there, that is a recognised condition I think. It is another thing to tell your Doctor. You deserve help for these things.
  6. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    y do u give a damn? i was abused by a teacher! n honestly i even forgot about it. lol.. dnt rely care.. cuz i knw it was neva my fault n it aint happenin again.. cuz dats reality.. practical thinkin in other words.
    Jus dont care n dont think about the rape incident... b happy wid wad u hav got.. adios
  7. mother

    mother Member

    That's not very helpful for most people.

    Everyone responds differently to things that happen to them (and sometimes even when nothing has).... that's why everyone is on this forum !!!!
  8. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I think you mean well but that is just not good advice and commentary. Some people have different reactions to things, the OP didn't choose to be in pain over this incident. Similarly to in war two guys in the same platoon that are basically side by side the whole time, one may end up with bad PTSD the other may not have PTSD.

    We all have different genes, different past experiences and different ways we interpret and cope with things.
  9. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Omg... Are you FOR REAL!! I am just so lost for words right now...

    You are just so amazingly stupid or just really don't understand what you just wrote. You really think you can just forget rape? It goes through my head EVERY single day, if I want it to or not. It changes you, forever. If you were really abused and you really have forgot it, then.. well, me and so so many others would like to know how, because I am telling you, it's pretty impossible.

    And how can you possible be happy when all you want to do is make love, to the person you care for so much and all the memories, smells and everything about that one time just come flooding in.

    Also how do you know it won't happen again? I got sexually assaulted 3 times, all within months of each other. So don't be so naive.

    Sorry but you have really annoyed me, if you wanted to or not.. Maybe learn to phrase your points in a way that doesn't come across so damn hateful!!!

    You friend is silly then and doesn't deserve to be your friend.. They are always meant to stand by you, and only someone really messed up would make this kind of thing up. I also don't remember much.. only small bits and pieces, so I understand how you feel.

    When I have sex, I play different scenarios in my head of sexual stuff that I like. I guess it isn't "right" because I should just be thinking of my bf and stuff but if I don't, I just get the flashbacks and that "night" in my head. So I don't cope too well..but I guess I do somehow. And have you seen a dr about the bleeding? Might be something worth checking out. Please take care

    :hug: xx
  10. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    You need to seek some kind of professional help, as your current coping strategies are not working.
  11. memory18

    memory18 Member

    Thank you for the support everyone. I have a doctors appointment next week but im dreading it because i really havent told anyone out loud. I have no idea what I am going to tell her but I know it has to get done.
  12. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Maybe write it down? I find that helps because I can't talk.

    Good luck <3 :hug: xx
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