Hello, this is my first time posting here. Warning: this is just me rambling. There are two things I'd like to vent about. One is, I have this feeling I'm always loosing when it comes to life. Call it bad luck or whatever, but nothing seems to turn out well. Especially when it comes to relationships. I end up not taking chances to avoid being hurt. Recently I've made the huge mistake of thinking I might have found someone only to end up abandoned without any particular reason. I am not a clingy person by the way. But somehow, and this leads me to the second topic, no one ever cares. No one has ever cared about me, at least that's how I feel. They just come and go. I couldn't feel more lonely. Granted, I isolate myself as well. But it can't be enterily my fault. My isolation comes from the fact that I feel like I'm not meant to find inner peace and the only way to achieve it is to hide away. That's what I've been doing but it comes with a price. I'm rightfully scared and lonely. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything - you know what that means. Lately I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I feel unworthy of being loved and the whole situation seems ridiculous. Guess I'm an "if I died no one would miss me" type of person. I'm the only person I know that doesn't have a life, as in, a purpose and a reason. Most of the time I feel invisible like a ghost or, at my best, a witness to life. I wish this person I have feelings for would care about me just a little. I just feel like a lost little child or something. He couldn't possibly imagine how he's making me suffer. Perhaps it's not so bad... apathy can get boring afterall. But I'm craving happiness and it just doesn't come my way. I keep wondering if I will ever loose my patience and when I will what will happen. Will I try to end it all (again) or just put up with it til I fade away? Giving up totally. Because I keep on trying and keep on failing, and even when I don't fail, life doesn't satisfy me. Anyway, this is all very physical as well. You know, when you feel so bad inside that it your body stings and burns... Guess I'm writing this cause I have no one to talk to; or I don't want to bother anyone I know with my problems. I've had enough of that too. It makes relationships so heavy one can barely handle them.