The one thing about me that no-one knows

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Georgia, Aug 26, 2008.

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  1. Georgia

    Georgia Guest

    I've never felt able to tell anyone "in real life" this. Not even my closest friends. In many ways, I feel so ashamed of it. I'm 27, and have never been in a relationship, ever. No-one has ever wanted me or loved me in the partner sense. By my age, I am quite literally the only one of my friends who has never had that experience of a relationship. Sometimes it is such a lonely feeling that it physically hurts. It's just, that, wanting someone else in my life who cares, someone for me to love and have love me in return. Someone to share life with. And as the years go by, and I've reached 27 and have still never once had a boyfriend, the feeling gets stronger and stronger that it's something I'll never have. I don't want to go grow old being the mad spinster cat lady. Every time my friends talk about relationships past and present, I sit there, heart pounding, hope they don't turn to me and that they won't ask questions, so that my shame won't be exposed, that they won't suddenly see me for the freak show that I feel sometimes because of it. But it is getting harder. Other people are increasingly settling down, engaged, married, second or third kids on the way. I'm sticking out like a sore thumb more and more.
    Please don't tell me "you're only 27, you're young yet" - I know most people who say that really do mean well, but it's something I've heard before from very patronising people on the few times I've tried to genuinely express some of my fears for the future - to the point where it's something that grates hard on me. What I'm looking for maybe is a little reassurance from anyone else whose first experiences of a relationship have only come in their late twenties / thirties - or from anyone else who's in a similar situation, about how they try to come to terms with those feelings, of loneliness and of not feeling wanted by anyone.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Georgia. I'm also 27 and still a virgin (male). There are some people (though not many) who wait until they are a little older before having a relationship and intimacy. Most of the people who are in this situation are somewhat frustrated, because of the difficulty of finding a partner. But honestly, I'm not too worried. I'm still a virgin because I chose to remain one until I find a person worth being intimate with. And I'm also concerned about std's. It does get lonely at times though. Don't give up hope though. Just keep an eye out for a nice guy who you might like to date. :hug:
  3. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    I'm a virgin too... and I'm almost 40.
  4. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    I'm 21.

    Not a virgin, but never had a normal relationship. My sense of self, mood swings, attitudes towards people are unfortuantly always changing and shifting. It's a bumpy road I walk.

    Why do you think you haven't had relationships? Really?
  5. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    26 year old male. Still a virgin. I just decided to wait until I want to have a worthwhile relationship with somebody. Too many people in the world as it is, I don't need kids running around before I'm married. Too much else to do.
  6. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I'm a virgin at 24...and I'm a guy. I turned down some offers because I didn't like the people, but mostly its because in the past I had such severe health problems. :sad: Now days everyone I meet is already in a relationship and thinking of getting married or already are. (the females that is) Also I live in a place where men out number women at least 3 to 1 and its a small place.
  7. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    Hi Georgia,
    I think your problem may be more down to a lack of self esteem and confidence?
    Not that i have lots of either of them!!
    If your relaxed on a date or when you first meet someone for the first time, it relaxes them.
    If you appear stressed or lacking abit of self confidence and self esteem people pick up on this and some see it as a weakness, or even as strange, especially if they do not suffer these issues.
    Have you talked it through with a coucillor?
    They don't work miracles and you have to put alot of effort in but it does get better with time.
  8. keepmehangingon

    keepmehangingon New Member

    Hi, Georgia!

    I'm going to be 29 in November, still a virgin (but am saving myself for marriage, anyway) never had a boyfriend, never had a guy in my age group even tell me I'm attractive (only creepy older guys, no offense to any NON-creepy older guys!)...It makes me feel ugly (I'm just average, certainly no beauty), unwanted (I think the fact that my father has always been indifferent towards me has something to do with how I feel that men perceive me)...The worst part is, there are several pregnant women in my office right now, and some who have newborns, and, even though I've given up on the idea of having kids (too much responsibility, lack of confidence that I'd even be able to handle being a mother, no chance of finding a husband), seeing all of this fertility (for lack of a better word) around me does hurt sometimes, almost in a physical sense...I think I've watched too many romantic movies or something, lol, so having a baby with the man you love seems like one of THE most romantic and sacred things in the world to me....But the reality is probably very mundane in the long run....It seems like most couples get tired of each other after a while and the kids start to drive you crazy as they get older, so love and motherhood may not be all they're cracked up to be....But, still, it's been getting to me; I know my biological clock is ticking, and I've never even been on a date! And I have no prospects...

    So, you're not alone, Georgia (and others)!
  9. .........

    ......... Guest

    That feeling of loneliness can be heartwrenching and soul destroying.

    I'm not a virgin I had sex when I was 17 (it wasn't a great experience) and have been in a long term relationship for 6 years. And a lot of the time I felt just like you.

    I can imagine your isolation when your friends talk about their relationships, past and present. It might feel like you're stuck and there's no hope. I completely understand the feeling about wanting to share your life with someone, to be loved and to love. As I grew older and been around women in my family, women out there and my own personal experience I've realised a few things:

    People who are in relationships can be in a very lonely relationship. Relationships aren't static.
    People who make a big show of their relationship status can be insecure in their relationship or themselves.
    People who are married can feel lonely, unwanted and unloved.
  10. ConsolationPrizeFighter

    ConsolationPrizeFighter Well-Known Member

    >.< Don't get down over sex. sex will happen when its right. ANYWAYS virgins are HAWT!
    and i like that about you, cause i know you don't have chlamydia, and that shits everywhere nowadays. :yeah:
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Yeah, we virgins are a hot commodity these days. :biggrin:
  12. dixie27

    dixie27 Member

    That's terrible. Funny, but terrible.

    Anyway, I wish I had waited a lot longer than I did to have sex. If you think you have problems now... Anyway, a lot of women would envy you. And I do believe that single people can have fulfilling and happy lives. Actually, it may be a lot easier for them, but there are far too many reasons for me to go into it here.
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