The only thing keeping me from attempting to end my life is my mother. She is highly emotional, prone to panic, and bases all of her worth on the success of her children. If I were to commit suicide, she would be convinced that she had failed at life. I can't imagine the panic attacks she would go through - and those accompanied by her asthma, it would be terrifying for her. She can barely stand only seeing me like 3 or 4 times a week, how would she be able to survive never seeing me again? Anyone else in my life could take it. Of my few friends, two of them have been suicidal; one tried to take his own life. Any other friends really aren't that close and would be sad but would get over it. My dad is stoic as hell and he'd find a way to see it logically, and he'd get by. The only other person I'd worry about is my boyfriend, because he'd blame himself.. .but he's strong too, and he's lived without me his entire 39 year life until we met last year. But my mom... I can't imagine putting her through it. And it makes me angry, because I've lived my entire life walking on eggshells around her, living my life for her first and foremost, ignoring my own well-being to see that she isn't upsetted - and even when I do things for myself, she is hurt somehow, and I wind up enormously guilty and so I am miserable anyway- so you see there is no winning in this situation, and now... now I can't take it anymore. But I have no choice. I must suffer.