The One Thing that would keep me from killing myself...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by james555, Jun 19, 2009.

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  1. james555

    james555 Member

    Love. Not innate love; acquired, earned love. Romantic love.

    The only time in my life I can say I have been happy is when I was in love. The feeling was never returned. It seems I have progressively lost the ability to fall in love. Maybe it's some subconscious phenomenon that tries to keep me from getting hurt again. Maybe I lost hope. Maybe I became much too cynical.

    I want one thing in life: to love and to be loved back. Even for one day, as long as it is true and genuine. It has to be romantic love, because such kind of love is between two people and these two people only. It is exclusive, meaningful.

    I don't know how it feels.

    When I turned 19 I told myself that by the time I was 23, if I had still not experienced love, that I would kill myself. I am now 4 months away.

    Is it so much to ask?

    Oh sure, some people go forever until they find 'their true love', and that it was totally worth the wait. But when the wait is excruciating and you have no guarantee of actually finding someone... why hope? The more I wait, the less probable it feels.

    Is it wrong to think that if you are a male, that I don't care what you think of me?

    This post is unedited, doesn't make sense, is imperfect, and so on. Yay.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi james.sorry u feel this way.if it helps at all im 21 and feel kinda the same.i seem 2 push ppl away through lack of trust yet i want th opposite-2 love some1 and be loved back.mabye ur like me and jus not ready yet?as cheesy as it sounds i do think there is some1 out there for every1-but only when th time is right.
    please stick around x
  3. dasismahleg

    dasismahleg Member

    I don't believe there's someone out there for everyone. That sounds awful to me.

    I like to believe people just happen to each other.

    I've never let myself fall in love with someone. I'm just afraid.

    Don't kill yourself if you have a reason to live because in the end everyone is looking for just that. Something that is worth that next breath you take. I think people should let go when they've had it all and none of it was good enough.
  4. fpl

    fpl Member


    I´m sorry to know that. In my opinion, love is the more important thing of life. Friendship is the love for our friends, the love for our family is another, the love for a pet is another. They are all important. I love my family, but...romantic love is the most important to me...

    Well, I´ve been in love several times, and 4 of them I had a relationship. I was loved back. None of them worked out. The last one is the reason for me being here. And I´m seeing that the more time passes since the separation, worse.

    My last girl was everything I wanted. I failed... :(

    Nevertheless, I have a question:

    - Is it better to never having loved someone or to having loved very much and then loose the love of our life?
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have some experience in this.

    Let me say....that don't rush it. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will just never know what is around the next corner.

    Love will happen for you my friend.

    I didnt want or seek or desire love. I didnt think my heart would ever be able to find that again.

    But God had other plans, and love found me.

    It will find you too. I know it!
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please don't give yourself a deadline to find love. Let it happen naturally.

    I'm feeling the same way but I know it will happen in its own time,I hope you reconsider your plans James,

    p.s welcome to SF!
  7. dave

    dave Member

    Hokay well i'm a bastard thats going to tell you the truth - no bullshit - not to make you feel better or worse - just the truth

    There isn't someone for everyone

    some people really do miss out

    theres plenty of people who die alone and loads of people who have to settle for an unhappy marriage which may or may not end in divorce.


    there is no such this as "the one" - yes, fortunately - and i say this because if there was there'd be probably no chance of meeting her with there being 6 billion people in the world. but what it does mean is that everyones probably quite capable of falling in love to the same maximum extent with any one of a good i dno... 100,000 odd people worldwide - of course when you've been together for a while things do change out of long-term connection and familiarity to the extent that noone else compares

    but my point is that we're naturally programmed to build up connections with people easier than you might think - i mean how often do people wind up with someone completely unexpected who they really end up loving to peices? biologically - its necessary for us to be very capable of finding love with any one of a suprisingly large number of people

    what i'm trying to say is that theres plenty of time for something still to happen - give it till your 35 or so - and just try and keep at it till then. If things are still piss poor then I certainly would never judge anyone for topping themselves. But at 23 THERE IS STILL REAL POTENTIAL
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