Love. Not innate love; acquired, earned love. Romantic love. The only time in my life I can say I have been happy is when I was in love. The feeling was never returned. It seems I have progressively lost the ability to fall in love. Maybe it's some subconscious phenomenon that tries to keep me from getting hurt again. Maybe I lost hope. Maybe I became much too cynical. I want one thing in life: to love and to be loved back. Even for one day, as long as it is true and genuine. It has to be romantic love, because such kind of love is between two people and these two people only. It is exclusive, meaningful. I don't know how it feels. When I turned 19 I told myself that by the time I was 23, if I had still not experienced love, that I would kill myself. I am now 4 months away. Is it so much to ask? Oh sure, some people go forever until they find 'their true love', and that it was totally worth the wait. But when the wait is excruciating and you have no guarantee of actually finding someone... why hope? The more I wait, the less probable it feels. Is it wrong to think that if you are a male, that I don't care what you think of me? This post is unedited, doesn't make sense, is imperfect, and so on. Yay.