So this is a completely downright selfish thread. Since my last attempt I cant see anything but what I was sooo close to having. Me. I. Myself. Not my kids, or family or friends or the collection agencies or therapists...just me. I'm fighting so hard not to give in to the thoughts and urges again. All I've heard lately is that I have to start putting myself first. Think of myself before others. So go for it. Tell me the one thing that I'm suppose to hold on for. NOT that I have to stay around cuz others need me. Eventually everyone (kids included) find their own feet and path in life. NOT because one day things MAY look brighter(I have been battling this for about 10years and those that know my personal story know it really only gets worse everyday). NOT that I have financial responsibilites. Dead I dont have them anymore. NOT cuz someone loves me. Love in the last 46 years has only served to hurt me. Etc. etc. etc. What is the one damn reason that I need to stay safe. Stay alive. The one reason for me????? Not the reasons for everyone elses sakes. Just me. Cuz right now I cant think of any.