I am posting this in the suicide section, as this day, one year ago, was when things started that would lead me into full blown suicidal ideation. Ok so technically it is tomorrow, the 26th, but since it happened on a Friday, I feel like today is the day of rememberance for me. the following was taken from my journal; Next morning, Friday, started out normal. I even got 10 bucks from my wife for the day. As I drove off down the road towards work that morning, I remember seeing a vehicle around the driveway of my home. it was early and dark still so I figured it was the paper guy. Work was good that day. I had a great lunch as I recall and after work, went and got my drink as I did in those days and then drove home. I wasnt suprised to see that her car wasnt there when I got home. She often runs errands on Friday afternoons, and so it was when I opened the garage door, that I noticed a stove we had stored out there was gone. I thought, WOW, she sold the stove. Then I walked into the house. At first I noticed the TV was gone, then the furniture. The dining room table was still there, and I looked over, and there were THE NOTES. I made a vain attempt to try and find them. Eventually I resigned myself to my fate and called my sister in law to tell her that i was going to kill myself. This would be 2nd attempt. The first being when the cars broke down several years earlier. So how things a year later? Well I am sober and back home with the family. However yesterday I found out that Directv "stole" 400.00 right out from under me and I can't get that money back, and today, I woke up to a flat tire on my car. Not sure, but it seems like this isnt my time of the year. When I think back to a year ago though, I feel ashamed, angry, saddened, hopeless and yet at the same time, greatful. In that I am still alive and back home.