The One Year Anniversary of Hitting Rock Bottom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Sep 25, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am posting this in the suicide section, as this day, one year ago, was when things started that would lead me into full blown suicidal ideation.

    Ok so technically it is tomorrow, the 26th, but since it happened on a Friday, I feel like today is the day of rememberance for me.

    the following was taken from my journal;

    Next morning, Friday, started out normal. I even got 10 bucks from my wife for the day.

    As I drove off down the road towards work that morning, I remember seeing a vehicle around the driveway of my home. it was early and dark still so I figured it was the paper guy.

    Work was good that day. I had a great lunch as I recall and after work, went and got my drink as I did in those days and then drove home.

    I wasnt suprised to see that her car wasnt there when I got home. She often runs errands on Friday afternoons, and so it was when I opened the garage door, that I noticed a stove we had stored out there was gone. I thought, WOW, she sold the stove.

    Then I walked into the house. At first I noticed the TV was gone, then the furniture. The dining room table was still there, and I looked over, and there were THE NOTES.


    I made a vain attempt to try and find them. Eventually I resigned myself to my fate and called my sister in law to tell her that i was going to kill myself. This would be 2nd attempt. The first being when the cars broke down several years earlier.


    So how things a year later?
    Well I am sober and back home with the family. However yesterday I found out that Directv "stole" 400.00 right out from under me and I can't get that money back, and today, I woke up to a flat tire on my car.

    Not sure, but it seems like this isnt my time of the year.
    When I think back to a year ago though, I feel ashamed, angry, saddened, hopeless and yet at the same time, greatful. In that I am still alive and back home.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really glad you've made it through the past year. I know $400 is a lot of money, and flat tires suck. But you've already fought your way through so much, and you'll find a way to get through this too. *hugs*
     
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks WC. Yeah those things are minor. I have so much other crap on my plate at the moment. It really does seem like this time of year is bad for me.

    I should schedule my vacation time next year for around this time, so I can hide under the blankets in my bed for the week.
     
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi forpetessake,

    You're doing a lot of good around here - maybe that's one positive to put on the credit side of the bank balance? Maybe by this time next year you'll be having a happy anniversary instead!
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you certainly want to avoid black cats, ladders and mirrors from now on on this date (lol). But you have come so far. And by this time next year, hopefully even further! You have your strength, new friends from here and a new found trust in God on your side. Sounds like a great support team to me!!! Go Bill Go!!!
     
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