The ones I love don't notice.

Sometimes the apathy of the people I treasure deeply gets to me the worst.

I've tried talking to them or at least calling out for help but they have simply whisked away my concerns and asked me to see a therapist and take some meds to cure myself.

I've made mistakes before - quite terrible from their point of view which is heavily influenced by their fundie christian church so I'm guilty myself of causing the ill feelings.

I somehow feel that the roots of my depression though has to do with my increasing rift with my family whom I really used to be close with. I really wish I could improve things but my family has been pretty distant and are reluctant to mend bridges.

The sensible thing of course is to simply move on, however I can't help but experience flashes of the happier times and the thought of moving ahead alone makes me want to disappear. I seem happy and excel well in my career but I am really empty inside - I feel a huge part of my life has suddenly been blotted out.

Does anyone relate to this at all? That you actually identified specifically the people who could solve your depressive suicidal thoughts immediately but they distanced themselves instead.

 

Maybe they're afraid.

Aren't you? We don't know what to do that's why we ask for help. But we sometimes fail to realize that not many people know what to do unless they were trained to deal with suicidal people. I don't think your family knows how to help you, what to do for you, or what to say to you and thats why they're distant. They don't want to make things worse and they don't want to be hurt, if they can't help you then they would think that if you killed yourself then its because they couldn't help you.

They're trying to protect their feelings, its only natural.

 

Don't feel you're moving through life on your own :hug: it could be that your familly has 'distanced' themselves from you because they aren't sure how to deal with it having, presumably, not felt the same way themselves. They maybe think they are showing support by suggesting councelling and med for you, it could be the only way they know how to cope with this.

I hope you can patch things up with your familly, and hopefully they'll understand :hug: if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.Stay safe.

 

You say your family has distantced themselves. Are you sure you haven't been the one who has been distant? I can relate, because I gave up my family for six years. I finally called my mom to let her know she was going to be a grandmother. They had been trying to find me for a couple of years. Hell my oldest sister and her husband had hired a PI too track me down. They got as far as New York but hadn't found me because I was living upstate. When I had left I didn't think my family didn't love me either. They were upset with me because they thought my ex was steering me away from my family, I told my dad she didn't Steer me away that the family had. Well to cut this long ass responce short I worked out some of the problems...

 

I completely understand. Contrary to the above posters I'd encourage you to not see them as trying to protect themselves, they don't know what to say or this is because 'you are distant' but try your best to look after yourself better.

I'm at a similar stage although I'm not suicidal at the moment. I've just realised to not expect people who have repeatedly been apathetic and dismissive to help me when I scream. Because it hurts a whole lot.

I've taken to shouting to myself. It helps me .

As for wanting your family to comfort you that's completely understandable. You'd expect them to be loving and comforting- and you'd think that this love would heal your depression. Your family does sound like a huge influence in your depressive thoughts.

Maybe they are afraid of death. The thought that you're battling with death.

Instead of trying to understand their dismissal/their side of things, I'd encourage you to look at your feelings of despair, hopelessness and maybe anger (?) from their reaction to your pain. Personally, this has really made me feel a lot better and less alone. Rather than feeling shit for feeling like I wanted some love or excusing people's apathy/non action for their personal reasons which has got very little to do with me, concentrating on my feelings of hopelessness from their dismissal and looking at my pain and anger has made me feel less like looking to certain people who are clearly not equipped to deal with me and prevents me from experiencing the whole rejection thing again.

 

People will often distance themselves because they are afraid or cannot understand what is happening to a person to make them act like this, or whatever, maybe you could try talking to them, write a letter (?) explaining more how you feel and why :/ i don't know this is jus some advice hun.
You are not alone tho, we are all here for you and you can pm me anytime