The only constant feeling in my life is the urge to end my life.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by M@v3, Jan 3, 2013.

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  1. M@v3

    M@v3 Guest

    around 4 a.m. here, i've got to wake up for work in couple of hours for work.. funny thing i haven't even slept yet...

    just googled about feeling suicidal and found this forum... sorry haven't read any posts just signed up just a short while ago... just wanted to tell this to some... kind of wanted to scream it... but can't.. not sure why... so here posting a thread just want to know what do you think... is there someone who feels like me...

    I have this constant urge to kill myself, not sure why, i don't think i'm depressed, to be honest not sure what depressed is, i know the term but not sure how it feels like, and i don't think i feel the emotions this term describes... i have no problems with my life so to speak... i mean none i can think of... there is nothing i regret... so i don't understand why i feel this way... why i have this constant urge to kill myself... i think of ending my of life... everyday... every moment i'm alone by myself..... it has been years since i've wished... constantly prayed for my death... prayed for my death to occur out of some sort of accident... have done so many rash things... at times i just want to hurt my self... i use to cut myself using a blade.. and press the cuts as hard as i can... i just want to stop living.. i didn't ask to be born... i don't want to live... the only thing i want is to stop being alive.... at times i feel like a coward for not having killed my self.. ended my life... but in the end the thing that stops me killing myself is my parents... because my death might make em feel bad... but perhaps may be they'd get over it... lets see when it happens..... but i know i'm going to kill myself eventually... i guess its not tonight... i've been living with this urge for years... not sure how long i will be able to live like this... i hope that i get run over in the morning...

    Not sure if what i've typed makes sense... i'm sorry if i haven't been able to articulate my thoughts in to words... just want to know if someone else has this constant urge to kill themselves.. a sense of emptiness... suffocation... as if life is a burden... life itself is the pain... something you want to get rid of... its like life is a disease... and i can't take it any more... i just want to burst out of my skin... bleed out... breath out...........................................................
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    but perhaps may be they'd get over it... Hi M@v3 I can tell you that they will never get over it ask people here who have lost someone to suicide if they got over it No the pain that you feel the urge to end your life it will only be passed on hun. Your imbalance could be just a chemical imbalance and if you talk toyour doctor meds may help that constant thought to go away or therapy may also help to hun Have you talked to anyone hun if not maybe it is time to talk to a professional so you do not have to continue living life in such a struggle
    Hugs to you
  3. paddyd65

    paddyd65 New Member

    i could have written this myself. i am 47 and have had the same thoughts as yourself for the past 25 years. like yourself it is my thoughts of hurting my parents that stops me. i know they would never get over it. this forum i visit when i am at its lowest. it has helped me knowing i'm not alone. the chatroom is helpful as people there support each other and at times i've found myself supporting somebody. made me feel useful. so try the chat it may help. hope this helps you.
  4. J3nny

    J3nny Well-Known Member

    i have the same feeling, trapped sheming ways to do it every moment is hell
  5. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    You are depressed. What's going on in your life. Tell us - vent a little...
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