The Only One.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by idr317, Aug 24, 2012.

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  1. idr317

    idr317 New Member

    I never loved anyone. Ever. I had boyfriends, but it was more of "oh..youre kinda cool" and shortly there after it was done with, in the past.
    Until I met him.
    He made me laugh, he understood me, he helped me, he challenged me, he changed me. He had me swept up in a whirlwind and i was loving every minute of it, finally knowing what its like to love, and to be loved.
    And then 5 months ago, he shot himself.
    I don't know what to do.
    I'm living in hell, in a nightmare. And I'm definitely ready to wake up from it all, i just don't know how. I don't know what to do, nor what to think. I don't know anything at all. I always want to talk to someone, but then when I'm given the opportunity to do so, there's nothing I can bring myself to say.

    I don't know why i'm doing this, or what I expect. I just...i need help. I'm losing all hope.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...how awful...maybe you do not talk to others because many do not understand, or so you think...losing a loved one, regardless of the cause has some more universal emotional reactions (yes, people handle things differently, but many of their experiences are similar)...is there someone you can entrust with how you feel? The grief and loss you are going through is so difficult to deal with, and yes, it is like a living hell...is there a counselor that you can talk to for grief counseling? Your reactions are understandable and not knowing what to do is clearly a reaction to having your world invaded (I have no other word) like that...please also post here...there are many members who have lost loved ones, best friends, spouses and children who will understand what you are going through...welcome again and I am so glad you shared this with us
     
  3. idr317

    idr317 New Member

    Thank you. I don't know how to talk to anyone about it, and i'm scared of going to counselor and still staying silent. I'm so lost. I'm getting to where all i want to do is go join him
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is not strange to have that feeling , and it is not bad to be nervous to go talk to somebody. If the counselor is worth their salt then they will be able to help you get over the nervousness of being there and help you get started. At the very least you will know that you are trying to take steps in the right direction and once you take the first little steps it turns into just walking.

    I am here a good amount of the time. I am by no means a substitute for professional help, but if you want to vent or talk about how you feel you can always post here or feel free to send me a private message if you like.

    :hug:
     
  5. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. People can tell you that you will begin to feel better in time, but you are going to have to stick around to find out that truth for yourself.

    I am glad that you came here, and that you are reaching out to others for help - sometimes that is all you can do for yourself. You say that you are afraid of going to a therapist and still remaining silent. Perhaps in this environment of anonymity, you can test the waters. Get more comfortable with talking about what you're going through over the next few days. Open up to a few people. Try out the chat function of the site or find someone to PM with if you want to talk one-on-one.

    Let that be a first step, but not your only step. Please seek further help from someone who can show you a positive way out of the nightmare. This is what therapists are really for - people in pain and crisis. I assure you that you can find a professional who really wants to help you.

    I didn't know your loved one, and I don't know you. But having lost family members and a good friend to suicide - not to mention having my own suicidal urges - I can tell you that given his clear love for you, he wouldn't want you to take the same path.
     
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