I never loved anyone. Ever. I had boyfriends, but it was more of "oh..youre kinda cool" and shortly there after it was done with, in the past. Until I met him. He made me laugh, he understood me, he helped me, he challenged me, he changed me. He had me swept up in a whirlwind and i was loving every minute of it, finally knowing what its like to love, and to be loved. And then 5 months ago, he shot himself. I don't know what to do. I'm living in hell, in a nightmare. And I'm definitely ready to wake up from it all, i just don't know how. I don't know what to do, nor what to think. I don't know anything at all. I always want to talk to someone, but then when I'm given the opportunity to do so, there's nothing I can bring myself to say. I don't know why i'm doing this, or what I expect. I just...i need help. I'm losing all hope.