The only place I can talk about suicide...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Petal, Sep 8, 2015.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter here. I am not depressed, I was taking steroids for a medical reason and for 2 days I was paranoid, bat shit crazy and suicidal, I suddenly got a bad reaction from the steroids after having a good reaction, thank goodness I am off them now. But mentioned to the nurse yesterday that I was suicidal, I was just glad she didn't shrug it off, she seemed like she wanted to help me as she knows what lengths I have gone to before to try and commit suicide. I have good days and bad like all of us but my bad days are rare and medicine does work for me. I guess I just wanted to share that here 'cos I can't talk about suicide anywhere else. I just wanted to die, the doctor gave me an injection to calm me down which worked. I was VERY close to making an attempt. When I thought it couldn't get any worse I came face to face with my rapist :( I was getting panic attacks and hyperventilating like crazy. Those f'ing steroids are never going near my body again.

    Today is a new day, it started off on the wrong foot but is slowly getting better.
  2. utenten12

    utenten12 New Member

    i have no wish to intrude, but for what medical reason you needed steroids?
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    A lot happened in a very short period of time.

    For what it is worth, I am proud that you were able to find ways to avoid the attempt with all of that going on at once. Even with the thoughts that intruded, even with triggers most of us will never know, you found ways to get help and remain here with us.

    Good job!

    Let me know if you need anything amazing Lynn.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    @utenten12. You're not intruding I was taking deltacortril short term for a cortisol deficiency but its okay 'cos I am okay without them. Some times they agree with me greatly, other times they will drive me crazy. I don't know why.

    @randomguy9 Thank you so much, I really do appreciate what you are saying, I think you are a pretty great person and yeah it is good I was able to deal with it without harming myself. Thank goodness my suicidal days are in the past 'cos right now I wouldn't be able to cope with them.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Scary when those things come crashing and especially seeing the guy on top of it and you still survived. Great job.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I really hope you can find a way to move from your current town. Get away from the creep who raped you. Knowing he is not around would probably be a tremendous relief when it comes to your anxiety.

    Congrats on telling your doctor that you were thinking of suicide. That took courage. I am glad the shot worked.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you all. I am doing a lot better now :) Stability has come and saved me. TY for all the kind words <3 Te suicidal thoughts have gone thank goodness so I am still here fighting the battle.
  8. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you spoke up and they were able to help you. I'm so glad you're still here.
  9. CentralValleyMan

    CentralValleyMan New Member

    Thanks for still being here!
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Evening Petal, thank you being here as your are precious to this site. The place would never be same without you. I think very one would agree that sentiment. I know you struggling but we are all here for you.
  11. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am glad you did not make that attempt. The world would have lost a truly wonderful person and I would have lost a great friend. Thank you for still being here and keeping up the fight. You will win one day, I just know.
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