The Only Solution

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by diver200, Jun 12, 2008.

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  1. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    My life seems to revolve around three main themes lately: my focus on the fact that I was not promoted in my military career (unfairly in my and many other people's opinion); being upset about being forced into an early retirement from the military (despite the fact that I was not promoted); and my monumentally crushing debt and financial situation. As i sit here today, death seems to be the common solution. My pain and disappointments about my military career will not ever stop. It seems utterly hopeless to get out of debt because the economy prevents me from making even a minuscule dent in my debt. The thing is, i can't commit suicide because that will just leave my family in the lurch financially. No, the death has to be accidental. I've tried to think of a way to make it look like an accident, but if i don't know anything else, i know that is almost impossible. I need to make sure my insurance will pay off, with no questions asked. So I pray to be spared the misery of continued life; to be a fatality in some accident. I don't want others hurt or killed in the accident, just me. That is why i've used the car/truck into a stationary object so much. I don't need anything fancy. Hell, lately I am thinking that what I really ought to do is go get mugged somewhere. Anyway, I guess the purposes of my thread are two: one to just vent; and two to see if other people can relate, or have similar feelings..... that they don't necessarily want suicide, they just want life to end sooner rather than later. Let me know what you think, and thanks for letting me vent. See you around the forum!
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    What branch were you in? I also got railroaded out of the Marines. I made a small mistake, that didn't harm any one. My Capt. at 29 Psalms gave me two choices I can be dicharged or I can go to Okinawa and start over fresh.
    My new Co called me into his office and told me I was being dicharged. I was to shaken up to ask him why! Well they gave me a general under honorable conditions discharged. They couldn't go any lower because no matter that I was being run off I still did my job. I wanted to prove my CO wrong. I spoke with my gunny and he said there was nothing he could do because that asshole had already run me thru the system.
    I didn't receive any benefits. So when I got back to the world my deciding to go back to school wasn't an option because I didn't have any benefits.
    You know I had seen a shrink while I was in there and he said I was crazy( that is where the tatoo crazy man came from) The shrink put me on thoazine. It didn't help squat. I still was depressed and Isolating myself. I pretty much stayed drunk for a couple of years and then I quit drinking cold turkey. Well enough of my rambling I hope this helps you knowing you aren't alone. Stay strong...:chopper:
     
  3. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Fank my reply is just to say i care *hug and i truly hope the world doesnt lose u i hope there is some way you can be helped without that final solution being the one you take.

    I do understand the anxiety esp the monetry ones they are really crushing like you say .

    im here 4 ya hun tc

    Jo
     
  4. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Stranger,

    I hear you on the military putting the screws to you. I was an Air Force Jag, and i was one of the people that put the screws to people like you. I really saw that close up and personal when i was put into the hospital psych ward, and also when i was a defense counsel. If you want, PM me and i may be able to give you some help on your situation with the military, ie your discharge.

    And yes, it helped me a bit to see i wasn't the only one. I was a career bound, regular officer with 15 years, but the issues were the same

    Diver
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i can't speak to the military part of your story, but i can relate to starting over. i am 42 and for a variety of reasons am starting over, from scratch. here i am in a new country, in a new job, and trying to make new friends. it hasn't been easy, and the isolation of moving from the known to the unknown is one of the reasons for my depression and suicide attempt.

    i hadn't realized until i left the states just how much of my self-esteem came from my workplace identity. i felt good about doing a good job. and i felt good about getting a good paycheque at the end of the week. i lost all of that because of a stupid decision i made years ago. i thought i would never get over the heartbreak of leaving the states. i am learning in counselling that it was not the one heartbreak that was destroying me, it was a lifetime of hurt and betrayal that i'd managed to pile on to that one event. that's why i recommend counselling. a good therapist can help you untangle today's challenges from those of the past.

    what is helping me is to make a 100% commitment to life, day by day. some days, it's just a moment to moment commitment. you cannot relive the past. and we don't know what the future will hold. but for right now we can make that commitment to our relationships, to love, to living honestly and with conviction. maybe you won't find a way out of your debts, or at least not any time soon. but i am certain that if you gave your family the choice they would much rather have you than for you to die and your $$$ issues resolved.

    please reconsider your 'accident' ... it is humbling to lose so much but in the end it's not what we have in this world that matters, it is the love we share with each other that is important.
     
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