The only thing I know that makes me actually enjoy being alive I know is being around kids. I'm eighteen, just last year graduated high school and am in my first year of university, and I can't say I'm enjoying it. Back in high school, for the last two years since I changed in grade 11, I was in a private school that went grade 6 to grade 12, and then had another campus in which kindergarten to grade 5 went. I got to work with the younger grades a lot and developed pretty regular rapport with most of them-when I went back to visit most of them ran up to meet me, hugs and stuff-and that made me realize how much I actually hated and disliked everything normal people are supposed to enjoy. At parties all I want is for them to be over, concerts I'm constantly looking at my watch. The "freedom" of university is endless monotony, and I find it so weird that I'm so unable to identify with anyone at all. It feels like...I don't even know. I'm kind of lost, and descending further and further into depression as I keep going on, and there really isn't any light at the end of the tunnel here because I really don't have any goals. I act happy around my friends but never am. I find it impossible that I'm so weird.