the only thing that makes me happy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ollie Dinsmore, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. The only thing I know that makes me actually enjoy being alive I know is being around kids. I'm eighteen, just last year graduated high school and am in my first year of university, and I can't say I'm enjoying it. Back in high school, for the last two years since I changed in grade 11, I was in a private school that went grade 6 to grade 12, and then had another campus in which kindergarten to grade 5 went. I got to work with the younger grades a lot and developed pretty regular rapport with most of them-when I went back to visit most of them ran up to meet me, hugs and stuff-and that made me realize how much I actually hated and disliked everything normal people are supposed to enjoy. At parties all I want is for them to be over, concerts I'm constantly looking at my watch. The "freedom" of university is endless monotony, and I find it so weird that I'm so unable to identify with anyone at all. It feels like...I don't even know. I'm kind of lost, and descending further and further into depression as I keep going on, and there really isn't any light at the end of the tunnel here because I really don't have any goals. I act happy around my friends but never am. I find it impossible that I'm so weird.
  2. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    Maybe you just don't like growing up. I don't, and I wasn't really prepared for the world at all. Mentally, I was 4 years behind my peers in things I really should have known but didn't. And I couldn't identify with anyone at my college either, every other minute someone was either texting, or telling some akward joke. Maybe you should move or try traveling if you can. Maybe discover a different culture. I would if I could, but can't. :(
  3. Virginia

    Virginia Member

    I can relate to that about being around kids. They always have a way of bringing me up when I'm feeling blue. I think my reason for being happier around them is that they don't judge, they don't discriminate, they look up to you so they don't consider themselves better than you.
  4. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    Kids always cheer me up too. They remind me of how happy I was when I was 3-6 years old. Life was hard but to me everything was fun. All my suffering was unimportant to me as long as I had enough lollipops and butterlies in the garden. Kids are a constant reminder that we were happy and a that maybe one day we will...
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Talk to your coucillors okay at the university see if you can get some help for your depression Also see if you can volunteer in the communtiy with kids that will help bring your mood up abit. take care