I feel that I'm always down, no matter where I go. If I'm with my family or friends, I just try to hide it. My friends have screwed me over before, so I don't really feel that I can trust them anymore... The thing is, I have a dog and it's 9 years old. It's particularly the only thing that signals me to keep going, and to not just swallow a bunch of pills and drink a bottle of vodka. Just to come home and see how happy my dog is to see me, makes me really really happy. When I take him for a walk I just want to keep walking, and never come back. When I'm upset or just suicidal, he comes to me and lays his head on my lap, it's like he feels what I feel, and it really cheers me up. When he's gone, I will without a doubt go with him, question is: Will I be able to last that long? I pretty much have to. I love my dog and he means the world to me. Besides, I don't want him to find me dead, and then afterwards be taken away to a whole new family or something, it would break him. I have never been too emotional. I've always been one of those people who would just respond with a ''whatever'' no matter what heartless insult someone would hand me. But I guess that was before everything went downstairs, and my friends and family completely trashed me. Marijuana also takes a big place in my life. I like to just be alone, smoking. It doesn't really cheer me up, nor does it make me upset. It just clears my mind for when I need it. I don't really want to talk to anyone about it, at all. Mainly because it would just make them keep an eye on me. But on here I don't have to worry. Thank you, Goodbye.