if she's Indian like me, lives in India and desires me just because of my Canadian and American citizenship. That's it. She'll probably just dump me eventually for someone better, especially not severely mentally ill like me. I dunno if its better I be lonely or one day suck it up and get one of these "mail-order brides" who don't want me for who I am inside but for my status that will help them advance. I want to kill the desire of getting a girl period. I don't want to desire something and never be able to get it. I'd like if I can just be content to be single for the rest of my life and that's that. I especially hate all the pressure in Indian society to marry, I'll probably really disappoint my parents for not marrying, having children and instead living with them until they die to take care of old, very weak and dependent me who has a mental illness he thinks is incurable and doesn't want to make the effort in fixing.