The pain has subsided, I AM thinking rationally, There remains only 1 solution

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HKsmore, Feb 19, 2014.

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  1. HKsmore

    HKsmore New Member

    Hello everyone. This is my first post on a forum of this nature so please forgive me if it doesn't read well.

    I suppose I should start with my situation? My (ex)girlfriend is extremely emotionally abusive to me. She verbally insults me, refuses to acknowledge carefully thought out defenses, twists my words, and worst of all, uses our unborn child as a way to control me.

    One one hand, I want out of the "on-and-off" relationship. I can't deal with her anymore. On the other hand, I want to be there for our baby. She cooperates with me only when it's convenient. When it's not, she bashes me incessantly through texts, on her facebook, and always makes me look like the guilty party. Something like "if our baby isn't worth that much, I'll find someone who cares" when in fact the fight had nothing to do with my actions or the baby, rather my families' attitude toward her.

    I've come to the realization that the only half-happy life I can have is away from her. Of course, she will fight ferociously to keep me from visitation or custody, because thats the kind of woman she is. Furthermore, there are no doubts in my mind that she will raise our child to believe I walked out and "train" them to hate me.

    My family has been of little support, mostly threatening me if I date this woman again. I have zero friends. I am involved in a counseling group and I admit it feels good to talk about my emotions, but talking isn't leading to any solutions.

    My bills are stacking up, I can't afford next months rent. I'm having trouble being motivated and concentrating, thus I'm falling behind on my schoolwork. My work feels insignificant and dead-end. My ex's insults have gotten to me, now I believe that she is right: I won't be a good father, the baby is better off being adopted by a more successful man.

    I'm not thinking emotionally. I am thinking logically and logistically. I can no longer support myself, I have exhausted familial support. I am not currently succeeding nor do I have new goals. I know that there are plenty of people in my situation, many turn out successful even. I feel that I am just not cut out for the hardship. Call it the coward's way, but I don't know what else to do.

    I have a plan. I suppose now I just need to get my affairs in order. I need to write a will, pack my stuff for the ease of those to move it, and write letters for everyone I leave behind. It's kind of ironic, my procrastination works to my benefit for once.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do NOT need to stay within an abusive relationship walk away ok You get yourself strong and you fight for the right of your child. You do not need to leave ok you will miss out on the most important reason for living your child hun. Your child will want to know you and love you so please stay in therapy get away from the abuse but fight for YOU and your child ok
  3. bayrabbit01

    bayrabbit01 New Member

    Don't let your ex-girlfriend make you do something so permanent!! You will be a good father, as long as you love the child. As far as keeping you from seeing your child...don't give up. You may have to get a good lawyer, but whatever you do don't give up!! You can always take her to family court, and as long as you don't pose a danger to the child there would be no reason for a judge to not allow you to see your child...and even if he believes your ex-girlfriend's claims that you are unstable he/she can order "supervised visits"....that is if he believes her. If you need to talk...I am here for you!!
  4. HKsmore

    HKsmore New Member

    Thank you both. The support really means a lot. Logically I know that I have a legal right to see my child. Sometimes I just let fear take over. I'm afraid she'll move far away and never speak to me again, regarding our child. And even though she has been so terrible to me, the thought of her and my child with another man just makes me feel physically sick
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. When someone is continually abused by a spouse or significant other it robs them of any self esteem. And even more so if they did not have a huge amount of self esteem before the relationship. What begins to happen is all systems sort of start breaking down. The people feel like a failure in whatever they do. They become unable to function to a large extent. This is not WHO the person is. But it becomes a matter of rebuilding the life. I know people who have done just that. And through the rebuilding process ( with therapy ) they become stronger than ever before. But it takes time.

    Please give yourself the opportunity to find yourself again. The self that is there but has been hidden from even you because of all of her messages so relentlessly shot at you. Words can be very dangerous weapons. But it is very important to not give her the power of taking the most important thing of all, your life.

    This is a wonderful community. you can post here as often as you want each day. you will have support. And you will make friends. Please allow yourself the opportunity to reclaim your power. She did steal that. And you can reclaim it. I know this takes time and work. But as long as you are in therapy you can do it. I do hope you are also in individual therapy. With someone who understands the dynamics of the damage mental abuse. And how to heal from it.

    As for your unborn baby, I do not believe she can stop you from seeing him or her. But I hope you will not see your ex alone. I hope that someone, anyone who you trust will always be with you when you see her. So she cannot use the verbal attacks to harm you more.

    I am very sorry this is happening to you.
  6. fallen2far

    fallen2far Member

    Your logic is based on a few years. Think about 10, or 15 years. Your child is being raised by someone who potentially drives people to suicidal thoughts.

    There are millions of possible outcomes. One is that your child could grow up with your feelings of being belittled, talked down to and not being good enough. If this happens and the child hears you killed yourself: well, if you found out your real dad killed himself, would that deter you or give you more reason to get it over with?

    For what it's worth, my advise is to live away from what's killing you. Find a job and a life you can see tomorrow with and if your child needs you, be there.
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