This is so hard. Taking one of the first steps. I feel so odd opening up... I'm kinda new here but I haven't been able to post much yet. I just dont know what to say, who to open up to here and yea idk. Nothing in my life seems to go right or be worth living but Im too weak. Ive thought of ending my life SO many times but I can't do that to the people round me. I just want an escape but I'm too weak to make an attempt. What if it failed? What if people found out about my depression? At school I guess you could say Im pretty outgoing.. Nobody would suspect me as being depressed or suicidal. I guess it helps that nobody knows, I dont want them to. At the moment I am doing exams, important ones. In my life I've always been in the top classes, never the smartest but sometimes right up there but there has always been a part of me that has no energy that wants to hide and not do homework or projects. It started to get really bad a few years ago. My GCSE's started and any ounce of me trying was gone. Ive been going along in the most important years of my academic life not even trying and now that exams are here I dont even revise. Thats just the start of it all. I wish I was normal. Nothing in my life is right..... I wish I could write more here but I'm not ready to. The pain of saying it and other knowing is too much. I just wish it were all over and who knows maybe it will be soon hopefully.