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The pain is too much!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Jul 18, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    I feel so much pain, i just cant imagine how is it possible to live with it
    i dont take any meds, maybe if i could, it will make this easyer.
    But i cant :(

    Im thinking about my feauture, there are things i want to do
    but i know that even if ill do what i want, ill stil suffer and i wount be
    able to enjoy it. Every time people successuly do the things thay want to do
    like to pass exams, or to find a good job, or a nice girl, when thay do it
    thay feel good about themselfs, it makes them stronger and happyer.
    But i cant feal any joy in anything, only pain, and more pain
    i cant feel happy, i didnt felt happy for so long! I forgot how its like!

    What the point to fight, if i cant enjoy the results?
    What the point to race, if even if ill take the first place i wount be
    able to feel any joy or happynes? *sigh*
    Im broken, im so broken!
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good morning Summer.Rain,
    Sorry to hear you are down. I know what you are talking about , not being able to feel things. It has taken three years for me to open my shell just a little to where I can talk to someone. I still feel like it is hard to do it.
    Why won't you take meds? They can give you that xtra edge on fighting your thoughts. You are smart and caring(i get that from your post. You actually feel for others. And you give them good advice).
    Any how you need to be honest with your doctor and your therapist so they know what kind of help you need. I am only a PM away, so if you need to talk feel free to contact me.:chopper:.
  3. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    You know, Summer.Rain, I was just thinking about how insignificant and inferior I feel sometimes today.

    But then I realized something. It amazes me how imperfect everybody is. I was sitting in a meeting, staring at people who have just as many problems, if not more, than me. People who had separated from their spouses. People who didn't know their children.

    It's not just me. I'm not alone in this world. Everybody has problems, everybody has hurdles, and sometimes the only thing that holds us up is each other. I may be an imperfect being, but so is everybody else!

    I'm going out tonight. I'm going to drink, I'm going to dance with a girl I don't know, and I'm going to spend money that I reallly shouldn't be spending. I'm going to have fun. And in the morning, I'm not going to regret it.

    Life is way too short as it is; we have maybe ninety years on this spinning blue orb, and there's not enough time to be ridden by regret and sorrow. What am I getting at? Get out of the house. Do something wild, do something crazy. Grab life by the horns and shout, "by God, you motherfucker, I'm going to ride you all the way to Hell AND BACK AGAIN!" and enjoy every blasted moment of it! You mentioned earlier that you want to get back to Israel. That's really cool . . . I've always wanted to go, and it must have been a really special experience for you. So go! Get a job, scrape the money together, and go. What's holding you back?

    I hope that you find the peace that you're looking for; my PM box is always open! As for me, I feel like I'm happy for the first time in very many years.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You can still achieve your goals in life and also be happy about them and enjoy them, it's still in your hands.
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Hey guys, thx for replying
    I just got back home, i went to sit somewhere, to relax, and to have a beer
    im back home now, somewhat better, but i know it wount last for long.
    Supidhat, i am also planning to go out tonight, with my brother
    i dont know him very well becouse we met only like 2 weeks ago (didnt saw him for more then 10 years)
    i hope it will be fun, im going to drink too, its what i always do when i
    go out to a night clubs or whatever. But unlike you, i hate the day after that :)

    I cant get any treatment becouse there is none in Ukraine
    there is no such thing as "Meeting with a therpist" in here...
    There is only one place for people like me here, and its the mental health
    hospitals, but there is problem with them, thay are like jail, Ukranian jail :)
    (full of drug addicts and people who thing aliens hunt them, and alcoholics)

    I sure know what are you talking about Stupidhat
    To ride the life... heh.. last time i did it, i went threw my first expiriance
    with drugs... Yet sometimes i do fill the need to fight my way threw.
    I hope i will have this "strenght" in me long enough to hold on in a job
    But i will be able to work only AFTER ill get back to Israel.
    For now im no more then an animal in a cage.
    My mom buy the food, and provide me with a place to sleep...
    And my depression is the cage :(

    Anyways, im better now (the beer done its job heh)
    and yet again, thx :)
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Glad you're feeling better. I went out with friends and had a blast! The night ended a little earlier than I would have liked, but that's OK. There's more nights ahead!
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