It's 6 year's since my dad killed himself, and although the grief passes for a time it never goes away. I wasn't close to my dad - as a child we never got along - we were different people who, as I became an adult, learned to accept each other. When he died we were, thankfully on good terms, and I was the last person in the family to speak to him (not for now, but due to the way he was behaving no-one else in the immediate family was speaking to him, something I only learnt (or to be fair fully received) after his death). Despite our differences I miss my dad - no-one deserves to feel so much pain that they kill themselves. Normally I can contain this grief, but it is always there in the background. Ocassionally, (usually after a few beers and unexpectedly), it spills out like it has tonight and there are a few tears which I normally keep to myself. At the end of the day time has greatly eased the grief, but I think it will always be there.