I have had IVF a painful process in itself- i did each session pretty much on my own- obviously my husband was there for the crucial donations but each blood test, visit, replacing of embryos... i did alone. I got pregnant 6 times and lost 6 babies all at between 6-11 weeks. My last pregnancy was a girl- she was downs and her heart beat left me at 11 weeks. She would have been due on 5 nov last year and i would have called her scarlet. On fireworks night last november we were at a party- not my choice!- i watched all the beautiful fireworks go off and i said goodbye to scarlet and my 6 other babies and to my burning desire to be a mum. Tears rolled down my face- my husband...had not remembered her due date or understand my sorrow- we had an argument and he got very drunk. That night i lay awake all night crying whilst he snored in a drunken stupor. On the night i needed my husbands support most he left me alone with my sorrow. I do not think i can forgive him. Nearly one year on and with my friends nd family all with beautiful little kids or pregnant it hurts as much today as it did then. Our marriage is not good- we have not had sex in about a year- i yearn to be held and loved but i can not let him in as my hurt and anger is so great. I have had an affair- well a ridiculous liason where th eman strung me along and has now disappeared- did i love him- i do not know? i felt i did but is that my need? I have several flirtations and seem on a path to distrucytion of myslef personally and my marriage. I can no longer see clearly or think clearly- do i leave all this- my life in its entirity as i am so tired of all the constant pain- i cannot stop the rest of the word getting pregnant! do i leave my marriage and hope fully find love from someone i do not have a clue what to do next!