The past semester.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theunwantedchild, Nov 29, 2010.

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  1. theunwantedchild

    theunwantedchild New Member

    I have finally hit a point of depression. I have hit rock bottom. After years of not cutting, I have been cutting and it's never been this bad. I have cut the word "Hate me" and "Kill me" on my legs :/
    I don't know what to do anymore.

    This all started when I met this boy and I fell for him. He reminds me so much of myself. He has become my best friend here at college and we both acted as if we were in a relationship. Then I got the lets just be friends and I was okay with it. But for months, it just created a riff in our's odd. We would talk or ignore eachother. Finally after a few months. We began talking again. We went to go talk somewhere and he finally told me that I was his best friend. But he told me he'd never see it with us...i guess that's what hurt. oddly enough, he lost his virginity to me that night. I know it sounds crazy, but it happened. After that we were attached at the hip...yet he wanted nothing with me. Finally this past week, he got back with his ex girlfriend...even when the day before we were still holding hands and I went on a drinking binge and cut myself. Thats the second time.

    i have lost all hope. I just need someone to tell me I'm okay.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey welcome to the forums.. It sounds like he still has feelings for you..If he's going to get back with his ex then I would suggest moving on.You may want to see a therapist or a counselar at school..You won't be happy playing second fiddle..Please get the help.. You also have us!!
  3. theunwantedchild

    theunwantedchild New Member

    Apparently he has no feelings for me at all...he says. That I am only a friend. I don't fucking get this kid anymore.

    I went to counseling today. but its the same damn thing, i need to separate myself from him. but i don't know how to. he's my best friend. i don't want to lose him.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    If you love someone, let them go, if they love you, they'll come back.
    I know that's easier said than done but in all honesty you don't need a best friend like this. Best friends aren't supposed to make you feel so bad that you cut yourself
    Are you on any meds? It might be that you need to take some.
    You also need to let go, no matter how hard that is. You shouldn't allow one person to have such importance in your life unless they're happy to shoulder the responsibility that goes along with it.
    He doesn't seem willing to shoulder any responsibility at all (and let's face it, he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to) so he's not the right one for you.
    Concentrate on yourself and your life instead. Plus find a way to deal with the anger instead of cutting yourself. You'll get there, it will just take time and some work.
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