The past haunts me. Every day I'm reminded of it. I guess it haunts me because I don't have one--one to be proud of--or that is recognizable to other people. I think the last several years could have been very different, that's the key word: could. They weren't. I wasted my youth (am 21 now) that might not seem old, at all, but my youth is gone because I wasted those prime years. I slept most of my days away. High School was a nightmare, not because of the people, but because of my anxiety. People would ask me to parties, or try and talk to me, but I would be flat and unresponsive. I wasted all that time, for nothing. I think my youth could have been so different, if I would have looked at things in a different light. Now, I think I've lost my sanity, and my memories are slowly fading away. Maybe because there is nothing worth remembering? But, my capacity to remember things has gone way done as well. My family has split, and I'd rather have not any dealings with them if they choose to act that way. But, because of my introverted ways, I have no friends to lean on and I just want to die. What's the point? Things won't get better. I failed my family, God, but worst of all I failed myself. I just want to curl up and dissapear from existence. I'm a pathetic person living a pathetic life. I think the worst part of this is knowing what person I might have been, but will never be. Suicide reverberates in my head everyday, I wish I could just...cease.