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the perfect poison

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LeaveMeAlone, Oct 29, 2006.

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  1. LeaveMeAlone

    LeaveMeAlone Well-Known Member

    I have in my possetion the perfect poison, if i take it it will almost certainly kill me, quickly and painlessly while i sleep, if no one discoveres me for a few hours then it will be too late for them to save me, and i doubt it would take more than about 8 or 9 hours before i actually died. If no one discovered me for a couple of days you wouldn't even be able to tell i'd taken it.

    It's calling out for me to take it, not all the time, but sometimes, like now when i feel so low, so low that i know dieing would be better... I haven't yet, I don't know if thats cos i'm strong enough to resist it, or not strong enough to go through with it.

    I can't name it here because we can't discuss methods, but i'm sure a few can work out what it is... because the irony of it all is I can't throw it away, I can't remove the temptation, I need it, I depend on this drug to live.

    For so long i'd been searching for... desperatly hoping that i could just fall asleep and not wake up, now i can... I don't know what to do.
  2. DON'T... now with that said, please dont, maybe one day you will tell me to stop... but if you use it where will you be? how will you help me?

    everyday i pray to fall asleep and never wake up...but here i am

    one thought that helps me... is that what if? what if they find me before i die?
    what if they find me and now i am worse off then before...
  3. Always Alone

    Always Alone Guest

    I'd normally suggest not to have something like this in your possession but as you need it.

    Give it all to some who you trust, and at the start of every day go take what you need for the next 24 hours. Of course this would probably be a big inconvenience and might not be possible.
  4. thinker

    thinker Guest

    I know what you mean, it makes you feel that you have some control over things now. Just remember that if you take that, you can never do anything again. It won't just be the bad things that will be gone, but any good thing or person that you liked. If you don't take it, you might find out what happens with anything that interests you where you might want to know what happens in the future. You might find the answer to a question you always wanted to know, or do something you always wanted to do but were too afraid to. Remember when there was something you liked to do that felt great? You might need to dig deep in the memory banks for that one, but it's there. What if you kill the fear instead of the self? What's one thing you really *want* or *wish* you could do in life? This might be exactly where you needed to get to change something you haven't been able to change. Now that you have the power to leave, maybe you can stay and live with less fear for a while.
  5. LeaveMeAlone

    LeaveMeAlone Well-Known Member

    yeah not really practical.

    anyways i'm feeling a lot better now, just a bit of a dip, well deeper than a dip but y'know, out the otherside still alive and kicking.
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