The person I like turns out to be homosexual

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by VioletGirl, Nov 5, 2008.

  1. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Hi all =)

    I'm just really lost as to what to do.. I'm a girl (who likes guys) and I have a really close male friend. We've known each other for ages and I trust him with everything, though he doesn't talk about himself much. I thought I'd never feel that way about him, but recently I think I've started to have feelings for him.

    I told him a couple of hours ago and he's really nice about it, though he said he won't ever feel that way. I was hurt, but I said "of course, I understand, it's okay if you don't like me in that way, I'm totally okay with it". Then he went, "no you don't understand. Do you know why? I can't like you.. I can't 'cause I'm not into girls. I swear if I were into girls I'd be totally into you, but I'm not". He said I'm the second person he's ever told about this.

    Has this ever happened to anyone? I'm really lost at the moment. I'm totally fine with him being homosexual though, as I'm completely okay with this sexuality issue. But I'm just confused, though I know I have to get over him. He's considering coming out next year (which will be our final year of high school) and it will be so hard for him 'cause he's really popular and he might become our Head Prefect. I want to help him but don't know how..

    It would be great if the other homosexual males out there could offer some advice! I've had no experience with this issue, but I'd really like to help him. Of course, for all the homosexual/bisexual people, if you ever feel like people don't accept you, I would. ^^ If anyone has anything to talk about I can always listen.

    So any help would appreciated!! Thanks for reading :smile:
     
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Yeah. All the time. Not to me personally [especially since I'm a guy!], but it came up for my mother, and Peggy on King of the Hill [I know, not serious, but still] had that... Gay guys tend to be nice. Women like nice men. Unfortunately, gay guys don't go for women, and you're stuck. :( But still, good friends are, well, good.
     
  3. ilovewoodchuck

    ilovewoodchuck Active Member

    Girl! When I was in college, and was bi-experimenting, for a whole year, I kept falling for gay men & straight women. I didn't get laid for a year!
     
  4. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Hmm thanks for the quick replies =)

    And aoeu, you're right, he's really really nice.. He's always there whenever I need him. *sigh* Why aren't the nice guys straight? Honestly he would make such a good boyfriend..
     
  5. ilovewoodchuck

    ilovewoodchuck Active Member

    those boys were always perfect escorts to anything not beer/sports related
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi VioletGirl. Sorry to hear about your best friend turning out to be gay. Did you notice any of the 'signs?' In my experience, I have found that gay guys sort of talk differently and act differently too. Also, could your friend be a bi-sexual male? Has he ever made out with a girl before?
     
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    There are lots of nice straight guys... but they're taken. :(
     
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me that you have a really good friend there and that friendship will not be spoiled by turning it into a relationship. Relationships have a habit of falling apart whereas a good friendship tends to last.:smile:
     
  9. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Hi thanks for your positive reply :smile:
    Hmm I actually didn't notice any of the 'signs', I don't think anybody else did either. He's always been pretty masculine and sporty, and his fashion sense and the way he talks are completely normal too.
    He told me that he's definitely not bisexual, 'cause he has no interest in girls (unfortunately :sad:). He's a really popular guy at school and in the past year I think about 5 girls asked him out, but he just said he wasn't ready for a relationship. And as far as I know, he's kissed a girl before but never made out and never had a girlfriend.
     
  10. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Hi again aoeu :smile:
    It kind of sucks 'cause he's the only person that I've ever considered going out with in my entire life, and he's just about perfect in every single way.. But of course, I have to forget about my feelings and be there for him when he decides to come out.
     
  11. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Aww thanks for your positive reply :biggrin:
    I just really hope that he will trust me with this and that I can be there for him. Though deep inside, I hate to admit it, but I really really hope that he'd be straight..
     
  12. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Dave, it seems to me, that the only way gay men act differently than straight men is that they like to think about having penises in their mouths. People who subscribe to the gay culture may be more expressive, but that's not because they're gay.

    Remember that the Samurai, Spartans, and well...let's be honest, most military organizations are breeding ground for homosexuality. In addition, there's only the Western cultural impression that declares gay men to be more feminine than straight men. Other cultures say that homosexuality is the most masculine thing a man can do as it totally rejects women.

    But I digress,

    I'm sorry to hear your sentiments are blocked by your friend's sexuality. He sounds like a great guy, and at least this way you and he can always be intimate platonic friends.

    But, I suppose that's not much comfort.

    Best,

    James.
     
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The gay accent is well-documented in scientific studies. Everything else is pretty much guesswork, though.
     
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    When I think about gay guys, I think about Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Those guys were clearly gay and they were a lot more feminine than straight guys, especially Carson. I wonder what causes the 'gay accent?'
     
  15. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't think that hyperbolic descriptions on TV shows counts.

    The gay accent is caused by men imitating the way women talk.
    There ought to be a lesbian accent - but women imitating men is fairly common in our society.
     
  16. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    And we have to consider the fact that we notice feminine gay men because they're present, while traditional masculine acting gay men are aren't so easy to spot.

    Gay behavior is almost entirely cultural and as with any culture, not everyone subscribes to it, nor do every subscriber have to be gay.
     
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I wonder if pretending to be gay would be a good way to get the women, after all, women like gay guys. :laugh:
     
  18. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Haha Dave, I don't think sexuality matters when it comes to attracting women? But I guess a lot of the gay guys are really sensitive and sweet. And I have a soft spot for sensitive and sweet guys.. ^^"
     
  19. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I think one of the things they like about gay guys is that they're honest, because they're not just trying to get the girl...