The pill's downward spiral

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Ever since I went on the pill I changed, even long after I stopped taking it, I am altered, it changed something in my brain. I have fought for almost 2 years with what I can only describe as brain damage, fought with an unseen demon, somthing a contraceptive pill altered, a violent change in my personality. Within 2 weeks of being on the pill I had changed from a person who was able to solve problems, discuss things calmly, was creative, funny, caring and generaly pleasent to be around, into a virtual reculse, who was aggressive, dumb unable to communicate and functioned on auto pilot, often losing whole days where I could not remember anything as if I were in a coma, had a massive array of physical symptoms, I basicaly became a zombie. I stopped taking it after about a year, but the damage was done, I was too lost, too ill, too stupid to get back. All my interests are gone, all the people I once loved and cared about pushed away like unwanted gifts. I still suffer all the pill's side effects physicaly and mentaly as PMS symptoms that have put a stop on most of my life, but I feel it effected me in so many other ways, I feel like I have been able to drag back fragments of the "pre pill me" but it the PMS and headaches I STILL have TWO YEARS after stopping taking it, have left me so tired I cannot keep up any more, I feel like an old woman, not a 22 year old. I also hurt myself, I used to SI before the pill, but nothing like I do now, now I do it with intent, I mean myself serious harm. I have turned to alcohol and drugs to try and cover up the pill me, just to try and function as a human, but even they have and are failing me, whatever it did to me, it has killed me. I can't say I never tried to save myself, I tried for 2 whole years, and now I'm too tired to try anymore, I hardly sleep, I cry constantly, I am aggressive, I hate to be near people, I hate the person it made me. I think it would be kinder on me and others around me now to end my life, yes it will cause people pain, but it is hurting them now watching me destroy myself. What it did to me is like a flesh eating virus, eating away slowly at everything good I ever had, devouring me bit by bit. NOBODY beleives a contraceptive pill could possibly do this, but I know my body and mind, I know who I was both before and after it, I know I am damaged. I wish I could escape the mental and physical pain, and I only have one option left now, and I'm sorry.
     
  2. jofo3511

    jofo3511 Member

    Actually you may be right. I just did a search and found many articles that link depression with the pill. You need to see a doctor.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=birth control depression
    No it wouldn't. Your depression is lying to you. :hug:
     
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    This "depression" people talk way too freely about, I was fine before the pill, it caused something to snap and change me into a completly different person. I have seen doctors, none beleive a contraceptive pill could possibly effect someone like this years after stopping taking it, my damaged brain is lying to me, not depression.
     
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