the plan starts tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iKayla, Aug 12, 2011.

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  1. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    <mod edit: *sparkle* : countdown>

    i'm actually excited. gonna have my iPod in and dance to my favorite music and go happy.

    i'm gonna miss all of you guys even more than my actual friends and family.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2011
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    whats happening kayla? :hug: stay and talk to us ok? dont hurt yourself :arms:
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Hun, please don't do it. Things really can get better. I know it doesn't feel like it can right now but it can.

    What's going on right now that has you feeling like this? Can you tell someone and get some help?

    You are right tho, we are all hypocrites. I think its because we care more about our friend's lives than we do about our own. :hug:

    PM me if you need to talk hun.
  4. Comrade Napoleon

    Comrade Napoleon Well-Known Member

    Life sucks, I will probably join you eventually.
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I really hope you don't hurt yourself either hun. :hug: If you need to talk you can PM me as well.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    LIFE does not suck - there are some wonderful things that can happen out there - and with depression its just that we are not good at happy endings.

    Depression sucks! sure - who wants to be in on a Friday night?

    Well - actually me - the pub is boring sometimes - why should I always have to be the interesting one with something to say? lol

    Anyhow - lets not kill ourselves - or get drawn into that mindset. Admitting it is as good as saying "I want to live!" - because if anyone wanted to die - and was 100% certain it was right - why bother announcing it and possibly getting saved?

    iKayla - I've not read much of your story and don't know why you feel this way - some of us have personal lives and troubles which maybe trigger or cause depression.

    But it can get better. :biggrin:

    I've living proof you can be messed up beyond all possible labels - have more issues than the Jews and Palestinians and still choose to live and find something worth living for.

  7. lucidreamer

    lucidreamer New Member

    What're you listening to iKayla? x

    only joined today, would love to know what's going on with you right now....#I hope you are ok.

  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Speak to us Kayla, what's going on?
  9. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    i'm tired of talking. i wanna do. i wanna go.
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Stay and talk to us..I know talking can become tiresome but maybe if we know a little of what's going on we can help and bit more. Please. Don't do this.
  11. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2011
  12. magillygutty

    magillygutty Member

    Shit its weird feeling you get when someone you dont even know tells you there going to kill themselves...feels like a part of you just dies...
  13. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    i'm not saying i'm doing it... but i'm not saying i'm not either

    going to take pictures again [i'm serious, i am taking pictures of the train] i didn't get close enough yesterday so i'm gonna try to get closer..
    i dont necessarily think this would be suicide if i do die.. because at this moment i am at peace and happy.

    if anything it would have been a mistake and accident if i die today.
    wish me luck.
  14. NJ_CB

    NJ_CB Member

    Please find someone to talk to. I have no one but I also do not reach out. I know there are people on here who will listen. peace & love
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    kayla I hope you're still with us..
    I don't want you to hurt yourself
    call for some help asap

    I read what happened to a girl who went under a train and was stuck under it for hours in agony...don't do it
  16. Marco

    Marco Well-Known Member

    A person i knew has gone in that way. It was terrible! for his relatives, for me, and all those who knew him, in a way or the other. Please stop taking pictures and getting near that thing. The effect of it is just to reinforce the "train" scheme in the brain. Distract yourself, go for a long run, do so much sports you won't even have the energy to think about stuff. Best wishes!!
  17. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    i don't know what to do, my mom mentioned school was tomorrow and all of a sudden i feel the need to go to the train tracks to take pictures.
    i don't know what to do, i think to myself, just take it 1 day at a time.. but then the idea keeps popping in my head i have this really huge urge to go!

    :( i just don't know anymore
  18. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Thats the way to do it, doesnt even have to be one day at a time, can be an hour at a time.
    As the hours go by, realise you are strong and there are alternatives.
    Have you no school counsellor or trusted teacher you could confide in?
  19. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    doesn't even matter anymore. i'm a wimp, a chicken and can't fucking have the courage to throw myself in front of it.
  20. NJ_CB

    NJ_CB Member

    Kayla, you are not a wimp. The things you are feeling are not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I know what it is like to live in fear and depression. When I drive to New York City and cross the bridge, I sometimes feel like a "wimp" who didn't have the courage to jump. But it takes courage to keep going, to try a new strategy. When you keep trying you are, whether you know it or not, courageously choosing to fight for the possibility of happiness; however remote it may appear. You can always go to the tracks some other day. Just at least for now, stay away from the tracks. Talk to people here. We may not know what is going on, but I don't think anyone here would judge you or criticize you. I speak for myself when I say I am an imperfect person who feels broken and lost. How could I then have any right to judge? Stay safe. Search out another coping strategy for now.
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