Kayla, you are not a wimp. The things you are feeling are not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I know what it is like to live in fear and depression. When I drive to New York City and cross the bridge, I sometimes feel like a "wimp" who didn't have the courage to jump. But it takes courage to keep going, to try a new strategy. When you keep trying you are, whether you know it or not, courageously choosing to fight for the possibility of happiness; however remote it may appear. You can always go to the tracks some other day. Just at least for now, stay away from the tracks. Talk to people here. We may not know what is going on, but I don't think anyone here would judge you or criticize you. I speak for myself when I say I am an imperfect person who feels broken and lost. How could I then have any right to judge? Stay safe. Search out another coping strategy for now.