The plan went wrong..

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Lennie, Dec 8, 2008.

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  1. Lennie

    Lennie Well-Known Member

    Ok, so my plan to kill myself went wrong 12 days ago, and I'm still here.

    It was all going along smoothly but I didn't anticipate my mother waking up in the early hours and going into the kitchen for a cigarette (She calls it a miracle). I had left my goodbye letters in the kitchen and she found them and in her frantic panic, she rang my mobile just as I said setting things up on a mountain a few miles from my house. After that I couldn't go through with it knowing she would be frantically looking for me. I expected it to be over before anybody woke up.

    So to cut a long story short, I had to go to hospital because I had taken some stuff and have tests and what not. I then saw a social worker the next morning who referred me to a doctor. After an hour of talking it was decided that I be housed in a psychiatric ward for the forseeable future. Although I went in voluntarily, it was made clear to me that if I wanted to leave, they would call the police and section me under the mental health act.

    So here I am 12 days later, they have stopped the 24 hour observation (I couldn't even go to the toilet without someone watching me), and I've gradually come down to a level where I am allowed to leave the ward under supervision for a few hours, hence me typing this from home.

    I still feel the same way, but I think they are close to diagnosing me with Border Personality Disorder. I have started medication (Sertraline) which although is an anti-depressant, it will hopefully help with my obsession with death amongst other things. I'll also be speaking to a Psychologist regularly as well.

    I'm learning more and more about it everyday, and it's quite a relief to be honest.

    I also wanted to say thanks to some people on here who were talking to me in chat the night I did what I did. They delayed me by about half an hour which in turn meant I was able to answer the phone when my mum rang rather than it being too late. So on behalf of my family and friends, thank you for that. Hopefully I'll be able to sincerely thank you after I get some help to deal with my issues.

    Oh well, times up. Back to the ward for me :)
  2. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    That surely has to tell you, your time is not up yet, i had a failed attempt last week.... and i guess it was a cry for help... more then anything, but i was extremely angry that i woke up!
    im glad you are getting the help and support you need to feeling better again

    stay strong

  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks for letting us know all went well in the end sweetheart. It is a relief to know you are under professinal care and can only you all the best from now on. :hug: Keep us updated as time allows.

    lots of love you way hun

    Granny x
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    glad to read the update and that you are getting some help!
  5. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your still with us hun its not your time to go I'm so pleased that you were delayed for that half hour so that you could answer the phone when your mum called. I hope you won't be in hospital for too long but its good your getting the help you need take care :hug:
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm glad your still with us Lennie, and good luck with your new treatment, get well soon x
  7. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    im glad your still here with us,,,, and as you can see, im not the only one who thinks that!
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