The point in being a gentleman in this age?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Jul 16, 2011.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    The other week I was walking home from a rare night out nightclubbing and having been left to walk home by myself thanks to my "friends" I ended up bumping into a young good looking canadian woman who was very upset so I offered to walk her home and chat to her until she was ok then head home. She lived on my route so it was no problem. We chatted for two hours then she invited me in as she couldn't locate the light switches or door key hole. I asked to use her toilet and she gave me directions and as I left the bathroom she had awoken her boyfriend up and said I was intruding. This was a surprise she had told me that nobody else was in. Anyway I made a run for it and left. I had no intentions other then to walk her home as I'm happy with my girlfriend but she just makes me want to lose faith in women altogether after pulling a stunt like that.

    Why can't women accept some men actually are gentlemen?
  2. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    Hey spell,

    Yeah, thats a bummer that she could not appreciate your assistance. You do sound like a true gentlemen, and I hope your current girlfriend appreciates that! Just to check in- since you are posting in the subforum for people who are currently experiencing suicidal thoughts- are you struggling with thinking about killing yourself? you didn't mention that, but i just wanted to make sure i understood.

    May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be wise. May you be safe and protected. Peace be with you.
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Hi Megan.

    I'm saddened that she couldn't appreciate my assistance either. That's so kind of you to say, thanks. I really hope so too. She does tell me that I'm rather different to other people so I think this is what she means. Not necessarily sucidal thoughts at the moment I just feel so very alone most of the time. I don't seem to talk to anybody other then my girlfriend at the moment. Everybody I know seems to be having a far too good a time to chat with me and I really might take a walk in the dark to sit in the graveyard alone :(

    Thanks again Megan, you too x
  4. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    I feel lonely a lot too, and it is such a horrible feeling. Have you tried going in the chat room? sometimes i find having people to talk to in real time can be slightly more comforting than posting on the forums. Also, is there anywhere you can meet new people or find a sense of community? a self help group? a religious organization? volunteering with others? A class?

    If you do take a walk, i hope it is helpful, but please be mindful of if that may bring up more difficult emotions.

  5. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Bless, It sure is a nasty feeling.
    Used to go no there but I'm not to good at forming bonds with people. I see your point though. Not really Megan. Got told to see a life coach (somebody who helps actors over stage fright) to help me over my fears and nerves but it costs too much and is miles and miles away. Keep getting turned away by anyone with volunteering ties as they already have enough people helping it seems where I go. Hospital don't even want me in the shop giving my time to help either.
    Thanks, my problem is that I'm too scared to go there as the last time I did it was during the daytime and I had a mental breakdown.
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    It’s fine if you feel comfortable here…

    Don’t lose faith in women altogether. It’s sad that our society and culture dictate as such… It seems to me that the woman had her own issues and wasn’t sure of your intention maybe because of her previous experiences as a “young good looking woman”.

    Anyway, I have faith in your continuing to be a gentleman :)
  7. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    She was 23 I half expected her to act like a grown up compared to most of the women I have known my age or younger. She did seem intent on causing somebody some pain I just didn't think she was being serious when I was chatting to her I thought it was the drink talking. I thought she would of been totally different, plus she was Canadian. I've got a soft spot for them. My favourite soccer player is Canadian, I even attended a Justin Beiber concert with my Mum and Sister as they didn't want to travel to London on their own that is how gentlemanly I can be. I will go through any amount of pain to please people but they just are not happy with that. Thanks I hope I can live out my potential :)
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Wow - you have so much passion for Canada :)

    Talking about pleasing people, I remember a saying goes something like “you cannot please all of the people all of the time”…

    I would like to encourage you to treasure your loving heart but not to “go through too much pain to please people” as it would throw you off balance, which could likely cause resentment and feeling like it not worthwhile or even depression…

    Please be aware that you need to love yourself well first. Be a good friend to yourself…be kind and gentle to yourself… You can then enjoy more when you are with others or even help them. Feel good about yourself (your loving heart) when you help others regardless how they respond to your help in return...

    Do please take care of yourself :pinkrose:
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Still, you have to consider that this young Canadian lady got home safely that night. She likely made a scene when she realised her boyfriend was up - and I'm guessing she was not quite the lady.

    Would you want a women who got so drunk she could barely find her way around?

    Would you want to wake up at 3.00am or whatever - to see your woman is being escorted by some other man?

    Like - wake up, and some random guy is just popping into the toilet?

    And have your woman lie that he is some invader!

    I feel sorry for her boyfriend - sounds like he could have actually done serious harm as we can tackle burglars or intruders in the UK. I'd use force without thinking twice - but if I had a woman staying or my nieces - I'd certainly be thinking that an unconscious intruder was the best kind to have. So thank yourself you were not harmed. Running away was a wise choice - some men might have argued with the boyfriend!

    Anyway - you done the right thing - and I would not be surprised if this drunk Canadian woman actually hit on you - and then made a big fuss when she saw her boyfriend was actually in.

    So out of the two males that night - you were the lucky one for sure. Her boyfriend, is truly in a world of trouble.

    And you did the right thing - although maybe it would be better to just actually get a cab - pay them to take her home or make sure she has enough to pay for it. Pay in advance - and if she vomits inside the cab - the cabby will demand payment for that. That is why I say send her alone in the cab. Ask the cabbies name - take the reg just as a precaution - and let the cabby know she is expected home. Another one is find her mobile - and look for whoever calls her often and call them! You could call the cops also - and in my experience, this is the best way to escort a drunk lady home safely when you do not know her.

    Walking a drunk lady home - you obviously have to hold her. And you do not know if she is married or has a boyfriend. She might have had a fight that night - with her husband. Maybe the husband is cheating and she thinks she will get him back. There are too many 'ifs'.

    Anyhow, live and learn my man - next time - get a cab, use her phone to phone someone - get the cops if she really bad. The cops in my area are doing this all the time - mostly with 14 yr olds, but you know what the English are like. Why have 1 drink when you can add a zero to it and have ten?

    That's part of the trouble - and whilst its great to have a few beers - and whilst I feel great myself with a beer or two - many people lose their ability to judge things when drunk.

    And woman like that random Canadian - we men end up so blind drunk she seems 'sweet'. You are never going to really connect with a woman like that - do you think she will help depression? More like drive you up to the point were the BBC do a report on you being on the most powerful dose of Prozac - ever! Like on a drip of Prozac - hook a bag of 1 litres full of it - replace every hour.

    Anyhow, being a gentlemen will pay off - the good things you do will come back - favours for favours - maybe not equally given, but I guess if you give enough of yourself freely to help people - you will get some back no doubt. A gentleman does not expect favours back - but obviously will not be frequenting too much with those who are mean spirited!

    I know men who would have just walked her back - robbed the handbag! And lets face it - take advantage of her also - or be taken advantage of.

    So next time - get her a taxi, phone a friend, call the cops or ambulance if she is real far gone.

    Good luck and thanks for being a gent!

    There is nothing wrong with being a kind and gentle man.

    You just a few strengths that you need to tap into - and this actor training thing you went to - its sounds cool - but as someone not a stranger to the odd stage - I always feel nervous as hell if going on a stage. The best cure for me - is that there is no cure for that nervous kind of energy - I have to embrace it - but its easy for a musician. I guess I don't have to be sober, lol.

    But I do know what you mean - and yet, your still young, its like you still feel tentative about life, a bit uncertain - and the good thing is that your looking for the answers!

    You got a woman also - I mean not some random Canadian drunk you picked up, someone, who, I assume, you must love.

    If so - you got a lot going for you. Maybe, next time you go clubbing with your mates (which is great step in the right direction) make sure one of your single mates is there to deal with drunken random woman. Sounds like my mates would have surely threw me to her.

    Yes. Some mates eh?

    Regards to thebaronspell - things aint so bad mate.
  10. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Hi peacelovingguy. Love your Rigsby picture by the way. True she did get home fine in the end but I was unaware anyone was there all the lights was off. She woke him up, that's what upset me felt like she was twisted in the head. I know it's crazy here in England where booze is concerned. She wasn't far from her home though when I bumped into her, was a five minute walk and she had calmed down by the time I had asked what was up. I don't mind being a gentleman, not expecting nothing in return. I am fond of Canadians as well :)

    Sadly didn't actually attend any acting lessons, was advised to see a life coach who teach actors but couldn't afford or travel there I'm afraid mate. I feel a lot more depressed and nervous when drunk to be fair lol.

    I was with my mates on this night they left me to walk home alone though which basically led to all this happening. The girl I'm with is out of this world. My mates would have jumped right in on the motive sex was on the cards though sad isn't it. True, I won't look down when I can easily look up. Thanks.
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