The Point...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sakura, Apr 27, 2007.

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  1. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    You know...I wonder why I'm even doing this. I've been aware of this website for more than a year now, though I only recently joined. And I wonder to myself...why am I even typing this...yet I still am. Maybe I wish that someone...one of you all out there...really could help me. That someone out there really could stop the god-awful pain that I feel each and every single day that I wake up. The pain of living and just existing that drives me to thoughts of suicide day in and day out. The pain that makes me fantasize about all the many different ways, that I could choose to just end it all...and many of those ways I've tried already...

    Why am I such a coward...why am I so afraid to just end my own life...what's holding me back so much. I've done it before...I've made attempts before...some that should have rightfully left me dead. But I always survive them...they're just never quite enough to do the job...even when they should.

    It's just now fair...I should be dead...why can't I die...it's driving me crazy, and it's hurting me day in and day out...the pain never goes away...and it just continues to get worse and worse...
     
  2. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    Wow.....where should I start...first off I know the things I may say may sound like words on a page because its probably something you heard before but I'll try my best to get you to keep me in mind as a potential friend. Being afraid to end your life is never cowardly Sakura, it never is. Explain to me the times you've been happy and describe the events vividly for me. Next you should specifically state what is bothering you also. With a more specific base I/we can help you greatly. Surviving death is a blessing is diguise I won't say from God but maybe FATE has made you born made you know what happienss feels like what sadness engulfed in your soul feels like which led you to this site and which finally made you post. Noone "should" be dead. You're not an evil person you're just depressed. I shouldn't of used the word "just" because depressed is hard to explain but very easy to feel in a negative way. Tell me about yourself? Do you see anybody,take meds,suffer from anything,your age, etc.etc. The more you tell us the more we can help. Make this your lifeline. Go in chat get msn addresses talk to them joke around, have fun, don't be ashamed because your on a suicide forum. You can't die because it's not your time yet.


    Keep the rose in you're heart blosseming and keep the wings of the butterfly on your guardian angel okay? Msn me or pm me anytime at- jdawg_46@hotmail.com.....being that you also live in South Miami you can always call me anytime. Just pm or IM me for my number and I'll be happy to try.

    Take care.
     
  3. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    I would...but my despair is so deep that I find that I'm unable to...sorry...

    This is almost as hard to do. I'm just tired...there is no point to my life anymore...there is no thrill...no joy...no...nothing. I just wake up and exist...and I hate that. I used to actually live...not just exist. Now I just feel as if I am taking up precious and valuable air, that someone else could be using.

    I don't see anyone. I went once when I was around 15-16, but I don't really believe in therapists or meds. I'm 25 now...with not much to show for my life at all. Just worthless and useless.

    Going into chat is hard. Because as the new person to a forum, you can't exactly break into the tight bonds between people that have already been established, because they've all known each other for a while. You're the odd person out...even on a forum like this, where people are dedicated to helping each other. So you just end up feeling even more alone, and lonely...

    You have no idea how many times a day I try to convince myself of that...

    That's really beautiful and really sweet ^^

    And I'm trying...I haven't been this close to the edge in a very...long time...and frankly it's scaring me. Everywhere that I go in the house right now, I see different ways, and so many different things that I can use to end my life. And I'm an insomniac...which means that I'm going to be up for the rest of the night thinking about this stuff...and I'm not sure if my sanity can take it...and I'm crying now...god...I'm such a loser...I'm sorry...I'm just going to stop now...I'll still post this...because you at least took the time to reply to my post...and for that I'm very grateful for...thank you...
     
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