The practicality of suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by allison, Aug 31, 2009.

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  1. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    Lately I've been feeling tired. Tired is all. Not depressed. Not like my life is crappy. Not like I can't go on. Then again maybe I'm depressed and I just don't know it since I've felt more depressed before, and this doesn't feel as bad as then.

    For the past few days I've been thinking about dying. How easy it would be after a jumped off a building (my choice if I were to kill myself). I wouldn't have to deal with all these things in school anymore. I think this is mostly because I failed my long exam for History which is 35% of the grade (the other 35% goes to another long exam, and the remaining 30% goes to a project, which means I only have 2 more chances to turn my F into a passing mark).

    I know other people have larger problems. More exhausting ones. And, honestly, I'm only trying to get my grade up for my parents' sake, since they're the only ones who care about my History grade. I only care about my course majors (Creative Writing and Aesthetics). But this type of tired that I'm feeling... it's the one that never goes away, not even for a second. And that in itself is extremely taxing.

    All seem to want to happen these days is for me to die so I can finally have nothing to worry about. That's all it is - laziness. And afterwards I feel crappy for feeling that way because so many other people have much larger problems and they handle it much better than I do. Then I want to die all over again.

    I just felt like I needed to vent somehow. There's no one I can talk to at home. My parents and siblings don't really believe stuff like this is a really big problem. They don't think mental illnesses are real illnesses. Not that I am mentally ill (I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but sometimes I do feel like that - then again everyone says they feel like that so I just feel silly for thinking it).

    We have a yearly interview with the school psychologist, but I haven't made an appointment yet. Even when I do get interviewed, I don't think I could handle anyone I've personally met knowing about these thoughts and feelings.

    All this thinking is just making me more and more tired...
     
  2. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

    Really, if you're feeling tired, it could be your diet. Eat more fruits and vegetables. It could have a profound positive impact on your mental outlook.

    I hope you find a way to solve this and feel better.
     
  3. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    I think I know pretty much how you feel.

    Just look to the end of the term. Just keep that date as a aim, and try and get to there.
     
  4. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I've never thought of that before... Maybe it'll work. Thanks.
     
  5. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I just hope the end of the term is gonna be a happy one. Thanks...
     
  6. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    don't worry too much about school, especially if you're gonna end up with enough credits anyway... the year will pass and go on, regardless of how you do.
     
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