The Prospect of Suicide

[,comma,]

Does it make anyone else feel remarkably comfortable?

The simple knowledge that if things retrograde too intensely then I could just commit suicide is really soothing to me. I imagine it's an unproductive way of thinking, but so what? It's frankly all that keeps me going: I can kill myself if shit starts to suck too much. The option's always there. I cling to it as the only haven in this hell.

Anyone else?

 

[dazzle11215]

yup.

when i started with a new therapist, she asked me to sign a no suicide agreement. i totally dug in my heels. even though i haven't felt the desire to act on my plan for the last few weeks. it really helped to feel that i *could* act on my plans if the feelings were too overwhelming.

so, i signed for one week. then another week. then for 4 weeks at a time. that's the best i can do right now.

 

[Spearmint]

It does, awkwardly enough.

 

[ItThing]

Yeah I just think suicide is very final and stuff and if you do it you just completely run out of options to make life better (duh) and I think we all have lots of options besides suicide, although depression can hide them or make them look stupid. I don't blame anyone for thinking this way, but it could make it harder to see anything in a better light if you're already prepared to die.

 

[carol2237]

Yes, the thought of suicide makes me extremely comfortable. I think it is the knowledge that although i cannot control most things in my life, I could make the decision to end it, to end all of the pain. And that is what makes it sound so good.

Caroline

 

[BlackPegasus]

yes....

 

[nagisa]

Yes, that thought comforts me.

 

[SAVE_ME]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's kinda like having a 'get out of jail free' card, which of course I'd only use as a last resort. After all, death is very final.

 

[Ruby]

Yes, definitely. I get comfort in knowing that I can use the 'emergency exit' if things get too much.

 

[Bostonensis]

I always say that the thought of being dead is so comforting .Yet I am not privilege yet to have it. My understanding of this comforting feeling ( guess )
is such that my life did not go the way as I have planned it to be,so maybe to be able to reclaim that at least this is one thing I can accomplish ultimately is what gives me comfort. It's cowardly & an absolute lunacy but that is totally up to me.

 

[not my real name]

I have a *cough*journal*cough* in which i write my thoughts down. I have realized as well that suicide has a pleasant feel to it. Thinking about it doesn't really do it for me though. The act of writing down that I will commit suicide makes me happy. I fear that I am falling in love with the idea though, the more I write the nicer it sounds...............err, but yes, it's comforting.

 

[kittyD]

me too. has always been there since I was about 10, not scarily just another option available.
kD

 

[Agrigor]

To borrow form someone else:

To draw the final breath,
To make that little step,
To know, that for once a decision was made,
To feel one foot above the abyss,
To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV,
To feel losing balance,
To fall,
To gain speed,
To have the air tear at your hair and clothes,
To feel the cold wind violently caress you,
To see the ground coming closer,
To scream in orgiastic excitement,
To know what you have done,
To know that you have done something for once.