the proverbial rock and hard-place

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Downpour, Sep 19, 2012.

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  1. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    To begin, I am depressed, I think about suicide a lot, and I have a plan. I've been to the doctor and talked to a therapist, but I don't think that will help at all. Even though I don't think it will help, I am willing to try it out. However, it appears that I won't even be able to try. My husband doesn't like it when I go to the doctor without him and he doesn't like it when I talk about being depressed. He gets angry in both cases. So I'm left with two choices: take him with me to the doctor/therapist and not talk about depression/suicide or stop going altogether to the doctor/therapist. Neither option seems like a helpful option in terms of my depression. But if I don't do one of them (probably the second option), my depression will just get worse and my desire to kill myself will get stronger (because I feel the worst and most unstable when my husband is angry). There is no good option here.

    To make matters worse, the doctor and the therapist are the only people that know about my depression, and there is no one else that I could talk to about it. I like the feeling that I'm not completely alone in this, but it looks like I'll have to isolate myself again in order to keep the peace in my marriage. My husband doesn't know about my depression because when I tried to bring it up, the result was days of fighting. So I gave up on that, and he thinks I'm going to the doctor every week for other health issues.

    I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to turn. There are no good options. I wish I could kill myself. I'll probably have to stop going to the doctor/therapist and just hope the depression eventually blows over. There's nothing else I can do. It's hopeless.
  2. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    Hey Downpour,

    That's not good, to feel isolated. I find it really important to speak and let some of the pressure off a heavy heart. It's like pressure valves, in my opinion. Well, talk here, there's lots of people here who you can talk to.
  3. Zipporah29

    Zipporah29 Member

    Sorry you're in a situation like that, Downpour. I feel quite angry with your husband, actually, to react to depression like that. He sounds quite controlling.

    Can you keep going to the doctor without him? (If that's what you've been doing.)

    Lps is right, you can talk to people here and that helps, it's helped me more than my doctor has, and only after a few days.

    Please don't feel trapped or without options. Life seems to have a way of showing us new things even when we're not expecting it.
  4. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. I'm planning to go to the next appointment by myself, but I'm afraid I'll have to cancel after that. I just don't know what to do. Every time I come home after an appointment, I'm met with anger and hostility that sometimes lasts for days at a time. I really can't handle that anymore.
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