The Real Me...

Dear Suicide Forum...

You all know I am just another person looking for attention. I don't know why I am here or where my life is going, I just don't seem to care about anything, humanity, and the people in it. Nothing is real, or as real as it seems. I'm not depressed, I'm not suicidal, I'm nothing. I am just another person living, the only reason I have not committed suicide is because, I don't want to. I don't know what I am waiting for. I don't understand Humans at all, why do you make things up to give you hope? God is not real, you are only here to live nothing more. I only care about myself, long as I am happy that's all that matters, sure you can say how narcissistic of me, but go ahead, I am better then all of you. I'm a Nihilist, it all makes perfect sense to me. What people believe in are crazy, people are very creative making religions, pondering the reason were here. There is no reasonable proof of the existence of a higher ruler or creator, a "true morality" does not exist, and secular ethics are impossible, therefore, life has no truth, and no action can be preferable to any other. Why does there have to be a reason were here? There does not other then the fact were here. It's human nature to classify everything we come into contact with. Which why it's so easy to stereotype races, and further more makes "racism" exist. It's easer to stereotype the wrongs a ethnicity has done, and hate them for it. It's human nature to put things into sub categories. Which is why I put everyone in the same categories, and hate everyone. I don't care for anyone, not my mom dying of cancer, no one. What will make you "think" even more is I moved out of the house because she is moving away to somewhere where she wants to be for the last few months of her life, so I left. I got a job, I much rather make money, and continue doing nothing with my life. I'm not intelligent, or creative, I am reasonable. I am also a sociopath. I could care less if other people are hurt, that's just too bad for them. Which is the reason I don't fit in here, because I don't care about you, I am none of your friends, I don't want friends, there pointless. I have myself which is all I want is myself. I find romance is pointless, sex is pointless Women and Men do not appeal to me. Nothing is sexually appealing to me, thus makes Men and Women pointless to be with. I don't care how hurt you are, I only care about the reactions I get out of people, even you people. I am extremely "manipulative" I have everyone wrapped around my finger, I can get the reactions I want from anyone. Not that I am more intelligent then anyone, I'm stupid, I am just not Human, I came to except that. I am not human, I just look like like you. I care for nothing about anyone, I can see people that are hurt, I don't care, it's not me, why do you care? I want to know what it is like to have other Emotions, I have no emotion, "Emotions are humanities law, to bind you to humanity." What is love? Why can you love someone? How can you love someone? You people say there is a "God" so say I am like you, which I am not, but say I am, "God" has no emotions which is the reason why he can let people endure there suffering. I don't care about people or what goes on around me, I care nothing about anyones emotions, which is why I can be, "God" I want to know what sadness, and hatred are, what is love, what is "God" what is humanity to you? Why are we here? What is your humanistic approach? I am going to start to make my own "philosophy"
Except what I say is real as real can be. You humans are stuck in your own war with your own society of morals when there man made morals, and if you don't believe in them, then your in man made evil? First descriptive usage, morality means a code of conduct held to be authoritative in matters of right and wrong, whether by society, philosophy, religion, or individual conscience. Don't you know there man made? Philosophy,religion,society is man made. "God" is man made, "religion" is man made, "society" is man made. I don't want to be a "God" but thats all I can be which is me, What it your advice for me? I will leave you all with this, I posted it on another thread, but sure it was ignored, but now everything is fitting into place.

"Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
We are just living thoughts, the world we know does not exist, we existed in dreams, and we are nothing but dreams.
Thoughts that keep cycling over and over, you never truly die, yet you seem to realize that you never truly are living.
We are in our own heaven, stop and look around and this is a heaven, you are blocked on wants and needs.
You think a heaven is something that is full of you wants, but this is the heaven you have to work to get your wants, once you satisfied you needs.
When you die you just simply lose
Your body, which keeps the thoughts inside, keeps you dreaming your personality is your soul, a soul is to think of something religious, not something that truly exists.
When you die you wake up in a new dream. We are fake. Nothing is real or is as real as it seems. We are immortal in mind, thus we can never truly die.
Why give glory to a man that made This world, when we are truly blind to see this is a man made world.
And in this man made world we have man made thoughts and man made dreams, we are a thought made up upon dreams.
If we are truly on earth, and there is a heaven out there how come no one can explain this heaven other then the fact it's great' perfect, that’s because the brain cannot fathom such a
perfect world bases upon rules that must be followed. We cannot fathom because there is nothing better then what one wants.
But everyone’s heaven is different that’s why it has to be built up upon dreams and wants that person has, no ones man heaven can be the same as the next mans.
Thus every man has different wants, We are thoughts dreamed to be unique. So how can our heavens all be the same?
No one mans heaven can be the same thus it would not be heaven to the man who's heaven is different the one mans other heaven.
When you die you awake in a dream back to heaven from which we always truly existed."