The real me..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Corieh Infected, Apr 11, 2008.

  1. Corieh Infected

    Corieh Infected Well-Known Member

    So I come across as this outgoing brat, right? I seem so damn confident, and I'm always about helping people. Okay, yeah, I absolutely love helping people, I want to do it as a career, but still.. I kinda need help too, and it's so horrible to actually admit that.. I'm self-concious, I think everyone else is like perfect and I'm this complete mess. I honestly feel like if I just left no one would notice, or even really care.. I try to act like such a positive person, and a lot of people might think I'm a hypocrite, because I want other people to feel better, and not myself.. Truth is, I do want to feel better, I just don't know how, and it's hard to just open up to people. I'll be vague, but I never really go into detail.. I just, wish I had a friend.. I mean, I do have friends.. But someone who I could tell anything to, and they wouldn't think I was some complete freak, and they wouldn't just stop being my friend because I did something stupid.. I want people to care, not walk on eggshells around me.. I need to be told that I'm a good person, because I really never think I am. Even tiny little things seem like the worst thing possible. It's just how my mind works, honest.. You could yell at me, and I'll think that you absolutely hate me and want me to go die.. That's how extreme things seem to me.. I just.. Really.. Hate hiding behind some fake smile. I have problems too. I love helping people on here, and I don't plan on stopping, but.. I need help to, I'm just afraid to ask for it.
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Hi Corieh :hug: Letting people know like how you just did is huge though.

    Do the friends you know, are you afraid they'd leave you, yell or judge you, if you opened up to them and wasn't a 'positive person'? I personally dislike the terms 'positive' and 'negative.' People are human beings and feelings are much more complicated than a + or a -

    You've actually said in your posts "I need to be told I'm a good person. I need ABC" and that is huge. You're acknowledging that you do need things and that you want a friend. I usually don't notice these things/my own needs/my own feelings until too late as I'm too busy relating/comforting others around me. My old counsellor said I was very 'empathic' maybe you are too?

    To help people and be good at it and for it stem from honesty, a lot starts from recognising what you need and learning and loving yourself and you've recognised that in your post. I can remember a counsellor saying to me how she recharges or how when she's not feeling 100% physically/emotionally/mentally she's not going to be a good counsellor.

    That sounds like you're putting a lot of power in the hands of other people. I know when I started off with my girlfriend, and I felt hurt I went through very similar feelings but I've realised other people are going through their own personal things, they might be acting unintentionally and it might not have to do with me or be my 'fault.'

    Do you see a therapist at all? You don't need to hide behind a fake smile but I suppose in some ways that's a defense from letting people get close? There's a great deal of vulnerability in opening up and letting your feelings be known, especially if you yourself aren't comfortable with 'negative' feelings inside of you.

    I hope this has helped somewhat but I do hear you :hug:
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2008
  3. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Hey Corieh, wow I could've written all that myself actually, especially this part:

    I get what you mean, I myself try to put on a positive face most of the time, and sometimes come across as totally confident, but underneath it all, I feel like a mess...also, it's hard for me to open up to friends and family without them thinking I'm a complete freak....not sure what advice I could give, but I do know how you feel so if you ever need to chat, I'm just a PM away :hug:
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Hey, Corieh, I could have definitely written all of that myself, if you ever need to talk, my PM box is open, okay? :hug:
  5. HalfBlind

    HalfBlind Active Member

    Outgoing? Yes. Brat? No. You'd be suprized how many people feel the same way, like they're doing a degrading song and dance to make the impression that everything is okay but what they're really want to say is "please kill me" (I had to for awhile). There's nothing wrong with feeling horrible, as long you plan to do something about it.

    you are a good person, fun to chat with too. If you left, I would care.